On the outside

 On the outside looking in,

Veil to reality, razor thin.

I see my hands work and greet,

My legs they move, as do my feet.

My eyes they scan, their worn out faces,

My ears they listen, pointless phrases,

My nose it smells the summer air,

My tongue it tastes, a juicy pear

But I'm still here...

On the outside looking in,

My human form, has softer skin,

My mind it races, heart skips paces,

Lost in realms stuck in war phases.

The bombs they drop,

The tears they weep,

The screams they cry,

Their cracked bare feet...

The dead they whisper, looking in,

"This world has rendered awful sins." 

But we're still here...

No wonder...

I'm on the outside looking in, 

Can't catch my breath,

Must sink or swim...

My body's numb,

My thoughts wear thin... 

I watch myself, 

The depths of grim.

Pin drop

 Hearing my voice,

But it is not my own. 

Watching it all play out,  from above. 

A scene of static and noise,

My body vibrates.

How'd I get here?

An hour in my car- but not a single memory of how I got this far. 

Just a faint echo of the music played.

Eyes heavy, breath is shallow.

Soul is weak.

For a moment I considered pressing the "restart" button. 

Recklessly,

Instead of shutting down like a proper girl.

Lips sealed, yet mind screaming.

A pin drop can be heard- but nobody hears a word.

Who the hell gave me this body?

Where the hell did the experience go?

Why the hell am I feeling so alone, in this world that's not my own?

What the hell is this feeling?

And how the hell did I get so cold?

When the hell will it be over? 

I beg, and plead, and sigh, and moan

Kind Eyes

 Kind eyes, 

You are my warmth

Kind eyes,

You weather my storm,

But you don't know what you mean to me, 

Kind eyes,

Set me free.

Kind eyes,

Sing me a song,

Kind eyes, 

All summer long

And I will dance under stars with you,

Kind eyes,

See me through. 

Kind eyes, 

Hold my love close

Kind eyes,

Know what I know

Grab my hand, and walk with me

Kind eyes,

Let it be.

Your Daydream

Am I just a daydream in your world of woes?

Maybe just a moment of muse,

Arch your back, curl your toes.

Baby tell me;

What's gotta give, for you to fully give in?

You've let me see the depths of you, but fail to seek my within.

Can I for once be the discovered,

Instead of the explorer? 

Baby uncover, all that I've hidden, 

treasures, some sordid 

A ship that has sailed, on a solo journey her whole life,

Yet used and abused by the elements, and ice.

There's a sparkle in your eye, as you gaze right through me.

You smile and laugh, but never truly listen to me. 

Eye on the prize, but I'm just a gumball in a machine,

Waiting for you to chew me up, and spit me out- your flavor of this season? 

Ever lasting, is the taste and the nostalgia of it all-

But where does this familiarity come from? 

Remind me as I fall...

Die Tomorrow

 And if I died tomorrow, 

What would they say?

Would there be a few,

Whose breath I took away?

Would a heart or two break?

Would family's heart ache?

Would friends feel loss, of their safest place?

And if I died tomorrow,

Would your words shake?

Would your mind run, and your heart race?

Would you grasp your chest, to check the pace?

Would you beg the universe,  for just one more day?

And if I died tomorrow,

Would strangers even know?

Would my poetry then flow?

Would my voice find songs' notes?

If you could keep me, would you start to pray? That these demons and sickness, would all fade away?

If I would die tomorrow, what the fuck would you say?

Dark Day Dreaming

 The tears stung her cheeks,

As they slowly slid down.

She dreamt about a noose around her neck,

And the serenity it would bring her soul.

This world is too harsh for girls like her. 

Maybe then she could be just like her momma. She did always say she wanted to grow up to be just like her.

"They taste like salt" she thought for a moment.

Covered in bruises she had no recollection of getting, a cut on her thumb that she pushed because it hurt, and unable to catch her breath.

She dreamt of death often, alongside other timelines and lifetimes. 

If only somebody could tell her the best way to re-set her life, she would consider staying. 

She didn't do drugs, she barely drank... these were her sober thoughts. -

Does that make them scarier for the average person? 

Who fucking knows.

And who fucking cares. 

I Get It

 I get why you did it,

I get why she did it,

I get why she's wanted to do it.

I've wrestle the feelings, have quietly attempted twice, have even begged for God to take me in the night.

So, I get it. 

But most don't get it,

So that's why it happens- and that's why we bottle it up... until we can't take it, and then we break

snap, 

gone.

I often wonder if that's how I'll leave,

The same way my mother did.

It won't be for years, but I find myself oddly OK with it.

I just simply, get it.

They think that we're crazy, that we might be unhinged... but the reality is, our souls are too big for this shit.

This earth, this life, this shallow matrix. It's all games,

smoke

& mirrors.

Death doesn't scare me, if anything I'm intrigued. 

Her quiet and gentle hands, causing such confusion and devastation. 

Am I selfish for longing her to rip me from this world? Maybe.

But at the end of the day, my soul contract has been made. My life fades. My love remains.

So when I'm gone, just know that I'm always with you. I'm always just a whisper away. Remember my laugh, my loud and chaotic nature, my affinity for travel and animals. 

And if you get it, like I do... just know I'll stay with you until we meet again. 

And maybe one day, I'll feel like this thought is foreign- but for now it feels familiar and comfortable... even warm and welcoming. 

And for now... I'll continue to get it.

I won't hope that you regret it, because I fucking get it.