Twisted love cycle

*Crawling out of my skin, into a world of unknown sin - a life that's left behind, a past that screams within. Scars that creep and knives sink deep, into the flesh so pale. A life that's changed, but deep remains, a burned and shattered, frail.

My thoughts they haunt me, tainted nightmares-
Only the good die young,
Although good is a facade of all that we know- and all that we think we love.

Abandonment - a word so long, yet simple in it's ways,
Familiar to those like myself, so lonely - every day.
 There's two that left me- both were loves, but different in content.
One was my blood, my father-
Who I thought was heaven sent- Until one day I realized that man is mortal male.
He failed his wife, his children- a lie... a fairytale.
Soon after that happened,
I lost another love- a boy I knew, and cared for- just proved to be a coward as my very own father.

This boy and I had loved, but then our love had changed- from puppy love, and first - to best friends, bonded, safe.
Our friendship proved to be- the strongest I ever had,
Until he left my side, like my coward of a dad.

Now I lay in this bed,
 Alone because I fear- that love is ever changing,
And the end is ever near.

I put my trust in women- soon after men had failed- but the first was
undeniably, a lesson learned at best.
Trust can not be given, it must be earned-

The woman I love now, has taught me these very words-
That love is true and burning, in the souls of every shell- but one must go through torture, and survive a distant hell.

I love and never felt so sure, of what I have right now,
but something haunts me in the night- of past loves that let me down.

I beg and plea to prove me wrong, and show me to the end,
of time is where I want to be,
I'll hold your very hand.

Demon/Angels

Angels and demons roam this world,

You: One or the Other,

The perfect combination of both- undeniably. 

I met a roaming demon angel yesterday-

Their intoxicating vibes are that of the strongest, alluring, poison.

It's as if I've met myself in an alternate universe- mirrors.

They remind me of you, who remind me of me, who remind me of them, who remind me of you.

Addiction at its finest.

Addicted to a succubus like Myself.

Living, breathing, addicted to in-taking others' lives.
The most contradicting- yet beautiful, walks of life.

Caged-Bloody Fingers

Caged.
Clawing at these metal bars of a memory.
Fingernails splitting while clawing my way out.

Why do my nightmares haunt me, such relevant realities.
Yet, long gone-
but not washed away.

Trapped.
Inside this twisting, vibrant land of grays and blacks.
Such ashy colors- such chilling vibes.

My past is only a reflection of my scars-
and a mirror does not foreshadow my future.
My bloodshot eyes fixate on the scarring that occurred, convinced it'll happen again,
a knife to the throat, a body cold and bruised laying on wooden floor paneling.

Emotionally.

I am caged tonight.
No fingernails left to claw my way out...
Just numbing
beautiful
delicate
pills.

For blood and soft fingertips are all that remain.

Dull Knife

It always seems to me, as the winter fast approaches, my mind spins
out
of
control.

My judgement lacks,
My lonely heart bleeds,
and my mind- She Screams.
So loud that only those most distant can hear her, but the pitch seems perfect by those closest.

An addiction increasingly on the rise,
like a time bomb, like a clock- ticking away at what seems to be years, but in reality is seconds.
Strength is overcome by selfish need to fulfill the urge.

Feeling broken, and lost- while knowing that she will leave me to hold the fort down again
I know strength lies in these scars...somewhere,
But it's a matter of digging deep beneath my skin, with a dull knife, to find it.