Events Booked:

Booked two awesome events as a model!
First one is for AXE - for their spring break line :)
Second one is for Labatt Blue :) so excited <3

Illusions

I turned around,

the sound of the subway now behind me

simple people lost in their lives,

Time is of the escence.

Hushing, Shuffling, Brushing

past eachother.

Routine.

Go here, this way-by now.

Robots in a mechanical scheme to donate

propriotary information

Or something of the sort.

Launching from their lives, and minds lacking molding-

just following the man.

Yet,

Here I stand-

the subway behind me,

their voices- white noise.

And I blink.

For a moment my vision focuses.

A stairway stares me in the eyes.

Head on, not blinking back- yet calling my name.

I feel a sense of warmth.

Calm, serene, breaths take over me.

I place my right foot gently on the ground in front of my left.

Heel, toe.

I long to climb these stairs, for I have never

encountered them before.

Were they here last time I passed through

this station

of dark, demise?

I fear not.

I blink again.

Gone.

They have vanished;;

Maybe if I blink just one more time I will have the chance again to climb them

I will find them again.

People rush by me, I fall back into the mechanics.

Daily Meditation

I breathe in deep- at least once a day
Relieving my tired burdens and my trodden past.
Each day I let go a simple amount more- nothing too much, but just enough to get by.
I close my eyes, I see lilies, cloud figurines pass by.
I lie here on this soft, gentle grass-
Cool against my skin- Taking out ounces of my foreign, long gone, pain.
I hear something in the distance- the wind tiptoeing through the tall field of sunflowers.
I start to plan my journey through that field.
So beautiful, yet never mapped.
Breathe in- and meditate

Facade

I have moved forward in loving myself, and those who love me.
I have conquered my fears and faced them at my own personal level (and that's all that matters)
The storm has come to a lull, and I plan to hold it here until it ceases.
My image is the mirror, sharper, more defined.
Clear.
My soul has been cleansed and rid of its demons.
I adore who I am and who I am becoming.
Dreams are becoming more dream like, and less reality stricken.
Change is on the tip of each taste-bud, and the sweet smell of success lingers in the coming spring air.
Writing, singing, dancing- my therapies.
Words trickle down pages like sweet summer sweat,
Lyrics dance in the thin, crisp air- while bodies never lie in movement.
Crashing into me like a bullet with a name on it,
I hold my future and my fate on it.
My past each day continues to project a beautiful facade- and my future holds verities, and true love.
Each day presents change in thought process,
Meditation calms my soul and mind-
I am one with who I want to be.
I am Me.

*Hummingbirds all in her hair*

Mood:  Wet Sand- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Packing :)

And let the packing begin :)
Moving in 4 days?! Whhhhhattt! Crazy - yet exciting <3

Bonnaroo

The mystical place where,
mushrooms are taller than you, are colorful, and trickle with dew-
Music keeps your moving for four days and nights.
Losing yourself in a trance is a must,
and being barefoot and sky robed is OK,
Welcome to Bonnaroo :)

*Officially Going from June 7- 10*

Serenity

I breathe in deep
The serenity of my warm bed comforts me,
My heart has calmed its dancing,
while my head has calmed its racing.
Serenity is all my soul has begged for-
my mouth has prayed for this moment for the past two months.
He does listen,
for he has granted me my wish.
Peaceful notes ring in my head.
Regarding love, I'm not better off dead.

So here I lay, on these rosy sheets
So still, so warm.
Inhaling, Exhaling.

This is Life as We Know It.
Nothing can change what occurrences have made our beautiful past,
and we determine what our blind future holds.

One day a story will creep through this cracked lips
A story : As Told By Me.
Although I know,
It took several people to truly speak the verities of it.

What do these crystal eyes hold? What truths and lies do they tell? Are there secrets? Will anybody ever be able to decipher this soul? It shall all remain a Mystery.

*Sigh of relief*

I AM going- possibilities for the fall,
while definite for the Spring.

Only change is where
France- possible,
yet so many other amazing options!

*Italy, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia...

I am sorta thinking warmer weather :)

Excited.

Simply Content

Dreams have turned into nightmares-
Reality has turned into dreams.
Today judgment falls on my past,
Karma predicts my future.
The turning point may be on the cusp.
I breathe in.
Shallow breathing as I wait for the results.
Future so bright- it is inevitable;
Yet- may be halted on account of what I have done wrong.
August- or December
It's all a matter of hours before I know...
Yet either way, I am simply. content.

Ke re pagalir bese

Who is this,
Dressed like a crazy woman,
Robed with the sky?
Whom does she belong to?
She has let down her hair,
Thrown off her clothes,
Strung human hands around her waist,
And taken a sword in her hand.
Her face sparkles
From the reflection of her teeth,
And her tongue lolls out.
The smile on that moon-face drips
Heaps and heaps of nectar.

Mother, are you going to rescue Kamalakanta
In this outfit?


-Written by Kamalakanta
*about the Goddess Kali*

Pier to Plane

Barefoot- walking down the pier,
Listening to the waves crash on the jetties.
The salt water filled air fills my lungs.
This is where I am meant to be,
this is home.

Gracefully walking down the steps to the warm and welcoming sand;
only about four more months.
Home is where your heart is.

My home is far, and near-
but the miles won't keep me from where I belong.
It's just a matter of time.

Stepping onto the sand, stepping onto a plane.
I close my eyes and imagine it-
How my journey can't begin soon enough..

My life hasn't even truly started yet;
the worlds will not be able to even blink fast enough to see how gone I will be.
gone, Gone, gone.

How peaceful the unfamiliarity will be.

11am - incubus

Mights and Maybes

There's a pounding in my heart- something so deep and so sure.
I can't wait, as the moment approaches- Friday we finalize a lot,
but Friday is the make it or break it.
There is one problem that I can't control -
so I might have to push back France until December.
But there is no way that I will not go.
If I can just convince them that I will work harder than I ever have this semester they might still let me go in August.
A lot of mights  and maybes
but I'm biting this bullet.
I am doing this for me.
How my days seem so much brighter...
I am going on my own- and I am so excited, to discover a world that I have yet to even imagine.

I just hope all the  mights and maybes  turn into yes and wills.

Friday... oh how these moments until then really seem to feel like years...

That word... "year"
triggers a lot...
-wondering-

LA de Da dE dA

my heart is singing a song-
its tune, unsure, and its melody upbeat
singing away
to the sound of the wind.
humming and twirling and always on key

Not Right

Something is
Not
Right...
I can tell.

I don't know
What.
or
Who
But

It is
Wrong.

There's a knot
in my stomach.
Something is not right.
Somebody is not OK.

It hurts.
This knot.
So please be
OK.

It's one of two people
and how I hope it's not either...

I can feel it...Try to resist the pain
I'm sending my embrace through the miles to help you.
Just breathe.

Once again..

Pushed back... will I ever make this decision damnit?!

Pushed back

Decision day has been pushed back a week now... today is apparently the day-
Hope my advisor actually stick with the apt today (unlike the past week) RAWR
:)

Tegan And Sara - Call It Off (Video)

#StayPositive

I wish I could take away the pain
of a soul lost and to be found
To be starstruck, or lovedrunk would be a feeling so elite
My words are tearing at the seems,
my heart is lost- in a clutter of words.
Yet I can only see the rainbow at the end
So close, yet so far- for the moment is undetermined.
StayPositive
It always gets better in time.

The Pretty Reckless - Just Tonight

Here we are and I can't think from all the pills right
Start the car and take me home
Here we are and you're too drunk to hear a word I say
Start the car and take me home

Just tonight I will stay
And we'll throw it all away
When the light hits your eyes
It's telling me I'm right
And if I, I am through
And it's all because of you
Just tonight

Here I am and I can't seem to see straight
But I'm too numb to feel right now
Here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time
I'm too numb to feel right now

Just tonight I will stay
And we'll throw it all away
When the light hits your eyes
It's telling me I'm right
And if I, I am through
And it's all because of you
Just tonight

Just tonight
Do you understand who I am?
Do you wanna know?
Can you really see through me now?
I am about to go

Just tonight I won't leave
And I'll lie and you'll believe
Just tonight I will see
It's all because of me

Just tonight I will stay
And we'll throw it all away
When the light hits your eyes
It's telling me I'm right
And if I, I am through
And it's all because of you
Just tonight

(Do you understand who I am?)
It's all because of you
Just tonight
(Do you understand who I am?)
It's all because of you
Just tonight
(Do you understand who I am?)
It's all because of you
Just tonight

You can't feel me... No.

Her voice gives me the chills

In (between) the lines

How could (shared) - be given, unless one broke down?
How could (familiar) faces, discreate, (intimate), images be shared- if one had not fourth come?
(Believing) is a yearning that I have.
My jaw (clenches)- holding back the screams.
My mind races to find possibilities, reasons and (excuses)
How is this all possible?
So I lay here- in the snow (ridden) city,
where street lights and headlights are a (blur).
And their (reflection) upon the lake seems more (real) to me than they are.
The lake is (frozen)- as my breath could be if I jump in.

Seven

Seven numbers staring back at me
Engraved by my memory.
Seven reasons to,
Seven reasons to not.
Breathe in...
Stop.
Breathe out- Seven times.
End.
Today is not the day...

Tug of War

It was never as easy as saying "hello",
pushing those small black squares...
is found to only lead to problems
Once trust is broken-
Fear is instilled into the hearts of those who were affected.
Bare skinned, bare breasted- laying here limp.
My mind argues with my reason,
and tugs on my heart strings...
Constant tug of war
the game my mind and soul play

Pathetically sleeping

The fierce winds blow the fluffy white snow in circles,
the trees are bare, their body-like branches sway in the wind.
My body aches- so i close my eyes.
For hours I drift in and out of this pathetic sleep.
Oh life.

Love hangover

So is that how you really feel?
Once again ... she doesn't want to be with me.
I think I've ultimately become numb to her harsh words.
Fuck it.
I'm done trying.

Rebel in Disguise

Here I am,

A rebel in disguise,

Can you find me?

Where am I to hide next?

This mask I wear, so simple- yet altering.

I am a rebel without a cause,

a loss without the love.

I am slowly unveiling myself.

It feels good to let go-

Here I go;

Free Falling.

I am finally being ... ME!

Richard Marx - Richard Marx Performs "The One That Got Away"

Richard Marx - Richard Marx Performs "The One That Got Away": Richard Marx covers Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away" on Big Morning Buzz Live.

Pretty amazing :) Love it.

I will BE there!

Buying my ticket tomorrow!
I'm done holding back on what I want to do!
I'm doing this for me :) I've been wanting to go for YEARS now!
Don't want me to go? I really don't care for once.
Tennesee here I come <3

http://lineup.bonnaroo.com/

Big Break?

Could this be it? The moment I've been waiting for to get my "foot in the door"... it's sorta surreal...
I just accepted a job offer to be a model for Labatt Blue.
Um what?
Yeah.
Wow.
First event I have to work at is at the Turning Stone... this could be my make it or break it.
So surreal...

Decision Made

I've made the decision.
Not many people know how sure I am about it, but in my heart I am 110% sure.
No turning back now.
Europe: here I come!
*Deep Breath*
It's going to be OK.
Everything happens for a reason!
*Fate*

StreetWalker

She peers down the alley ways
Her sense of direction is skewed.
Today she makes the biggest decision of her life.
She shakes in her skin.
She smells of liquor from the night before and the sun still hasn't risen.
He feet sore from this journey she calls life.
She walks the streets looking for approval.
 Will she find it here?
Or will she find it over seas- where love has no bounds, and the air is always warm and crisp.
Today is judgement day.

100

As the sun is hidden from the grey clouds in the sky,
there is a sense of calm,
a sense of self for just a mere moment.
She closes her eyes, chills grace her bare skin.
Heartbeats unknown-
Face covered by her limp arm.
Fingers curled from relaxation.
Each breath so shallow
Moments pass- dreams fade.
She sleeps to be happy, for one hundred dreams are better than one day in reality.
Eyes peak; and close.
"Just one hundred minutes more" - she begs.
"I'd even take one hundred days."

WishNWonder

Wish I could have some answers...
It's always nice to wish and wonder.
I never will quite recover.
Without knowing Why.
But, I might enjoy this disease.
Wish I could just write all day.
Chapters.
Sometimes we feel alone;
The harsh reality is that we are in this world;
But we aren't in the minds of others.
Trapped.
In
Our minds.

again- the pain.

Why won't this migraine go away?
Brings me back to my originial questions about my migraines.
Ugh.
I want to seriously vomit and I have not eaten even one small thing today.
(Not why I have the migraine.)
Shaking.
Class time :(
*pop pop pop- and swallow*

Dilema

A problem arises,
one that I am familiar with.
What do I do next?
Where do I go from here?
I want to solve the problem- not sweep it under the rug like I have one hundred and one times.
It's making my self esteem plummit.
What to do? Where to go?

on top of that- my meeting about Europe was pushed off until Friday.
Closing my eyes for a few more hours.

Calm.

Standing, alone- in my shower.
Hot water scorches my bare back;
All I want is a moment of calm, collected, silence.
Deep breath.
This is where I let go.
Steam creating droplets on my face, mixing with the crystals flowing from my eyes.
Sometimes my body cries about nothing;
It's ok to be emotional for no reason.
Chills run down my spine, each specific vertabrate feels it.
Standing, alone-
my moment of silence.
In the background I hear a twang of notes-
but it's just a faint, silent, melody-
white noise.

I just want my mind to be at peace, and my soul to be calm.
Is that so much to ask?
Rest sweet soul- let yourself get carried away in the white noise.

fadjkf!

Ugh.
Blah.
Vomit.
Shake.
Vomit more.
Shake more.
*tear*
fdaoijfmngirdahcdxajadskakjk!!!!'
Hmph.

Second Gear.

*You've got your hair done, you've got that red dress on- screaming that second gear was such a turn on...

It's time for me to live fast
To shift it into second gear
No regrets, and no breaks- just going going going with the windows down and the wind in my hair...
Left hand dangling out of the window- and the sun kissing my cheeks through the windshield.

Today = Big Decision Day.

Europe in August, or push it off until my last semester?
I Want August.
I Need August.
but something's holding me back...?
It HAS to be August.
I need this ... for...
Me.

Semi-in-shock

Not a card.
Or chocolates.
Or roses.
or...even a meaningful kiss.
Fuck Valentines day.
although I act like it doesn't bother me when she says "When would I have time to get anything baby? I work all the time"
I reply: "Yes, I know... It's just a Hallmark holiday anyway..."
Not even a fucking KISS.

Mood: Joyous

I cannot help but enjoy all the small things today
It's not quite spring, yet it smells like it is sneaking up on us.
The cool wind chills my hands- but I enjoy the cold.
The sun is shamelessly peaking through the clouds every so often.
Each breath I take feels full today- the reason? I couldn't explain.
I am happy and smiling a lot
I feel almost carefree
Decided that in June I am going to Bonnaroo-
I've been saying this for years but this is The year! RHCP is performing and so is Skrillex.
I am just so... nonchalant
 It feels good :) I miss this feeling
I think I've finally just let myself go- let myself be one with who I used to be.
All grudges have been put in the past and I am helping those who have been asking me to .
Why now?
Hm.. I don't know
But I'm not compaining


*Dreams become reality when you let yourself just be... You*

To the Unrequited Valentine

Has there been a moment in time where you know you are in love with the person you are with, you are sure of it, and wouldn't want to break them- ever?
At that same moment in time when you close your eyes do you see a memory from the past flash- like a lightning bolt, making you smile, yet bring a tear to your eye?
It's funny how human emotions work- for there are inexplicable reasons in why we rejoyce and grieve in our past- while enjoying the moments of our present and mapped out future.
Is the human mind capable of loving multiple times? Or denying unrequitedness?
It is truely a mystery- days, months and years seem to pass-
while moments seem to always remind us of our past.
It is so twisted, and confusing- and no scientific study reveals why humans minds work in such a way;
so unless it is just mine-
Spring.
It's around the bend.
Known for its birth, and new beginings.
August- not a set date in "reality" but in Reality it is set.
For my travels to take me far- and my mind to wander wildly.
I wonder what chapters will come from then.
So back to this thing called Valentines day...
Have you ever been an unrequited valentine? Like in Romeo and Juliet?
Oh to be that one unrequited...

and I quote...

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blow up the bonfire."

 -La Rochefoucauld

Trinity

I cannot stop writing this chapter in my book...
I have been now for three days
The facts and fiction intertwine
-while the images are vivid and breathtaking.
What an odd and tangled chapter...
I am afraid that I will finish it within the next week...
and I catch myself typing slowly.
For this might be one of the most interesting, and mind altering chapters I have written...
I almost don't want it to stop...
*Guilty Pleasure

Wrong Turn

There's a path ahead of you,

two options- it splits in two perfectly viable options.

One path is traveled,

the dirt tightly packed- the green only growing on the sides,

the flowers well kept.

The second path however is wild,

free of many footprints, not so clear,

all because it has only been truly traveled on three (arguably four) times.

Its travelers were never to be found again.

Some tell tails of them living a carefree, vibrant life

amongst the wildflowers and lilies the path holds by the pond.

some say that they have been devoured by the path itself.

This path is dangerous yet full of adventure,

But only few brave souls have crossed it.

A ghost trails the path.

It is her path, her walkway.

She dances up and down the path, seeking those to join her.

Her hair curly, blond, and flowing in the wind.

What seems to be a yellow rose- is stuck in her hair.

A skirt that is dancing just as free as she is trails off her ghostly, thin, bony hips.

She is barefoot.

Waiting, or searching.

You decide.

Some say she is waiting for love lost, to return, and revive her

while others claim she is searching for one to take under.

She hums a song, a familiar song.

Yet familiarity is something one cannot follow.

Which path will you take?

the ghostly, wild, beautiful one?

or

the path most traveled?

Writing a Fiction Novel

It's a Cinderella story with a twist,

The crtics love the mystery behind that one odd chapter

It engages them, so enticing

They claim:

"It's the best fiction novel since Jane Austen's Emma"

"The love, the mystery, and that one chapter... It's just so entangling!"

"The words flow off the pages as if it were almost Real!"

But it's just a simple Cinderella story

About a girl lost in a world full of lies and inner torture,

Love gained and love lost,

Experiences, and sexuality-

with a hint of drugs.

It's purely fiction.

Only, in this fairytale- there is no glass slipper.

Because Cinderella shattered it.

Strange Figure

Do you ever feel like I'm a stranger?

A stranger to you, a stranger to me?

A stranger to society?

I wish I could break the mold, and be familiar

Lost in time, no sense of self.

Sometimes it's like an overwhemling feeling of need- or want

or confusion.

Strangers are people you should not meddle with

Should not coddle

Should not believe in

Because as a figure lurking in the dark,

even with a friendly face

They can wreck, torture and torment once you let them in.

Am I that stranger?

It all started at "hello"

then the strangeness began.

Chapters, pages, lines- continuoums of words.

I have started writing my book again.
I tried adding onto a familiar chapter, but failed.
I started writing a new chapter- a chapter that will make my book "fiction"
I long to share it on here...
but I'm afraid the chapter will have to be published before anybodys eyes see it.
For if I put it on here-
who knows what could or would happen...
You are all just chapters... I think.

preview of the chapter:: (hopefully you will buy my book once I publish it!)

Another night, another month- I couldn’t even tell you what day or time it was. All I know is that it happened. It happened so fast. Now  readers, let me warn you- this chapter might be fuzzy, blurry, unclear and contradicting for several reasons. Those reasons are to remain unknown from now, until the end of time. You can come to your own conclusions and fill in the blanks- yet each and every person will have a different perspective. OK, now here we go…

It was a typical night out, probably a Thursday or a Saturday- your choice. Tight jeans hugged my legs, black heals made my appearance tall, slick and flawless- although it was only a mere outer image. Hair was straight… or curled (you pick). I had picked up Jade, I thought she wanted to hang out with me- work on things, whatever. My mind was twisted, it was always twisted when it came to her. I was excited to walk in with her, show people that we were hanging out- almost to rub it in their faces- but that moment that we walked in the door and she b-lined it to the bar, and ignored me the whole night I finally understood it. She used me, yet again, same old story, right? She needed a ride because she didn’t have a car, she asked me to buy her drinks while kissing me and flirting with me… I’d buy- she’d disappear again. I found her once making out with my ex-girlfriend Ellie. Epic. My heart sank, I wanted to cry… but I couldn’t. I think I had become so used to this feeling of being used, unappreciated, and jaded. I called her out on it, her and Ellie giggled and it made me feel so insignificant, and like a joke. Jade was still telling me she loved me, still fucked me nearly every night. What was wrong with me? Was I ugly? Too stupid? After catching Ellie and Jade making out three times I decided to give up, sit my ass on a stool in the back bar. Sinnerss and Saintss wasn’t too busy that night, and I was tired. People came over to me, gossiped. I forced smiles, laughs and nods. I was not amused- It’s been nearly 2 years that I’ve dealt with the same people, talking about their “friends.” I had become the queen of falsifying emotions. I hate it, but it is the pure white truth. So as I sit there, on my pedestal, entertaining people in their little world, I notice ...

Undying headaches.

Migraines.
I have one right now, to pill or not to pill... that is the question.
Sometimes I wonder, if these sharp pains behind my eyes, in the head's entirity are not just neurological...
Sometimes I wonder if each pain I feel is a pain I caused another...
A heartbreak, a mean exchange of words...
Or
If it's somebody thinking of me- saying my name, wondering where I'm at, what I'm doing.
I cannot comprehend these undying headaches
I just wish they would subside...
Overwhelming pains, thoughts.
To pill..

Shipwrecked

You sit, feet in the sand- it's starting to feel cold.

Barefoot, wondering what you're supposed to do, where to go next.

You are shipwrecked.

Lost, trodden, jaded.

Where to turn? Where to go from here?

Only you know.

Your mind races as the sun falls behind the foreign hills,

time is running out

ever so quickly.

The storm is upon you, the one that has been chasing you through the depths of the ocean.

Stop running, just face it.

Because running barefoot on the beach leads to tripping in the sand.

Face the storm, push through the rage of the ocean winds.

There is always a calm after the storm,

Just like there are always rainbows after rain.

Persistance.

A voice whispers: "It will be OK"

Is it the wind?

A spin on Alice

Spiralling down,
the rabbit hole- seems to fall deeper and deeper,
into what she might ask?
Life.

Trials and tribulations force us to learn, to leap, to hug faith- while staring death in the eye.
Sometimes we jump with both feet in and the water is ice cold, while other times we hold back.
-one pill makes you larger...
The water could be warm- we will never know unless we jump.
...the other makes you smaller-
The colors are changing, fading almost... like a disarray of sunlight beaming through crystals.
Or sunlight gracing an angle of the looking glass...
Isn't it funny how life twists, turns, and changes until you fall?

"Curiouser and curiouser!"

Advice is only only assumptions made my experience-
Spin till you fall, and take your own advice
because in the end, logic and reason will take you far-

Like Alice said "In contrary wise what it is it wouldn't be, And what it wouldn't be it would.You see?"
Just look into the looking glass...

Journey to My Paradise

My hands are blue, my veins shining through like little pathways to my heart
My soul is shaky- yet calm
The sparrows sing to me- while the sun shines down and kisses my cheekbones
All I want to do is spin, twirl, and skip with my bare skin against the wind
Where wildlife will love me, and souls won't judge me

I see a place, so serene, so secret- it's in my soul
A mysterious place.
It's always warm with a cool breeze, and sunny.
I can close my eyes and feel the warmth- I see the place so vividly.
There is a stream, and I lay next to it
My feet on the warm stones that surround it, the trickling of the water squeezing through the larger boulders in the creek
It is beautiful
The grass is pure vert, and soft.
It tickles my skin as I lay on my back and watch the Earth spin ever so slowly
The clouds dance to the songs of the wind, and the birds chase after one another in hopes of finding a lover
for the spring.

A familiar face joins me
Her eyes so deep, her soul so pure
Warm familiar eyes- holding love and comfort
She lies next to me and takes my hand in hers
Fair skin, freckles cover her face when the sun kisses it

My version of paradise,
warmth.

Yet my hands are still chilled- but in a few moments her warmth will remind me where home is.
Home is with her, and I shall be reminded of it every time I gaze into her eyes
She is my paradise.

BOOT CAMP

It's time for me to whip my ass into shape
Kick my mind into shape, and bust my ass for this body to come into shape-souls are getting stronger than ever, visions are growing, and life is looking up.
All my bad Karma is done and over with
I've paid the price- and been busting my ass to get the good Karma to come back around... and here it is :)
Several amazing job opportunities, motivation, and self - respect.
This is my life, and my life is now a Boot Camp

Please stop Speaking

The words hit the airwaves and it's your voice I hear
Lingering in my ears like a sweet sound of a violin
Why won't you stop speaking, and screaming in my head?
Can't you leave me alone, or just leave me for dead?

It's beautiful as I see the words in thin air,
Sometimes I wonder if you are still there;
on the other side of them - speaking them to me,
but then I realize that it's just plain melody.

Something someone once wrote, for an ex or a friend
A beautiful song, wish it never would end-
How dainty it sounds, and bittersweet taste

The notes are in pitch and the words are in key
The beautiful lyrics, stop singing to me in my sleep
In my dreams, for in reality I am happy- yet my dreams seem to jade me

Please just stop speaking
Your words are a poison, the rhythms and blues,
Keep your distance and silence the pain
For the songs, where you speak are to blame.

Sunrise

Beathing has become a task, every day, moment, second
But I have to.
The spring air is slowly creeping up on my neck, making it a little easier than it has been in this bitter winter.
Humming my way down a new path where I follow the sunrise and never see it set;
Tiptoeing my way through the poppies, while humming birds play with my hair
New beginings are on the rise, trying to move forward with positive sights

Feeling Good :)

http://vimeo.com/25918953

Dreams..are just dreams.

Two nights in a row now I've been having dreams about people that I am closed to or used to be close to dying... like I'm afraid to lose them... It's strange... I sometimes wonder if that's my mind telling me something...

I sure hope not.
It's really disheartening and I wake up in terror...
*Rest in Dreams

Dystopia

What is reality?
What is this world we live in- who is to say that we do not see falsities, while believing what we see are realities.
Who's to say that we, man-kind, are not the prisoners in the cave of the Republic?
Merely shadows pass by- gracing our views, tainting our minds in our sour reality.
Distorted shapes and echoing sounds are all we know- we were born into it.
Only few and far between can open their minds to be their eyes;
they are the chosen ones-
to see, hear, smell
Taste.
It is a realm that we cannot comprehend, you cannot.
Programmed into our lives, brains, hearts- thoughts.
You do not think freely, majority of us don't.
We are simply parts in this ongoing machine of rage, war and hate.
Politics are the puppeteers-we are their marionettes.
Beautifully dancing, singing, strings flowing and ordering us in each and every way we go.
Broken little movements
So beautiful in our eyes
In this dystopia that we constantly embrace, and fail to challenge.