Under the Gun

Her eyes told a story that not a single soul knew...
But the bits and the pieces remained askew,
Amongst a few.
The curtains had closed, and the audience aplaus
Echoed through the theatre, she knew them all.
Each single one.
Convinced, they clapped, and cheered as she screamed
Inside of her head, she was merely a fiend.
Some would say better off dead.
She opened the curtains for one final bow,
Their cheers and their banter stroked her ego-
While she raised her brow.
In curiosity of what may happen next,
What would her next story be? And would it be the best one of her future legacy?
She deemed them insane, while she was the one
Who was mentally unstable
And under the Gun.

Again

Have you ever wondered where the evil inside us
Derives from?
We all have it,
But we chose to suppress the demonic force.
She is so enticing, so alluring, and once she grips you
Goodluck breathing.
Her grip is so tight that you see stars, and
Swirls
Of
Color.


She is beautiful and makes you feel at home, yet
she tortures you with your own actions.
You pull and push until you break.
Until they break.

When they break, when you break
She is convincing.
They are at fault,
and she makes you
Make them
Believe it.

Calling out your name
Undeniable lust
Nothing to say
To those you've scarred.


Her grip, it loosens, but she still has you on a tight leash.
You gasp for air, and smirk
She whispers to you, "Let's do it again..."

She Is.

Joy is in my words, in my heart
You live on.
Joy rushes through my veins, pure blissful waterfalls.
Suffocating in a summer breeze, your love enriches me.
The sunshine pushes her way through the hydrated clouds.
Their water pure, yet distorting vision
We drink her,
I drink her in.

She is swayed by the seasons,
For no reason at all.
Her story is perfectly imperfect.
She taunts reality, with her dreams,
For they are her truth.
She spits in the face of doubt.

When you drink her in, your mind gets fuzzy,
When you taste her skin,
You lose track of time.
When you catch her gaze- your words dissapear,
She is beautifully
Mentally
Unstable.

She is dressed in satin,
Yet made of fire
Her eyes scream crystal beauty-
Of the deepest seas.
Her skin tastes sweet, yet
Intoxicating you to the point of no return
You take it in, she is
Dancing.
Sweet sin, she is yours.

Sculpt

I am so close to warmth
Once again
Eternal Warmth
in your
Arms.

You are so close,
Yet millions of miles away
Your voice like an echo in an empty room,
yet filling the room
Max capacity.

My heart is yours- my body is warm, at the thought of your touch.
I reach for a sugar coated smile,
But once you return it will be engraved in me.
Chiseled like a sculpture sculpts his masterpiece.

Make me your art,
Mold me with your hands,
Inflict fire on me to twist me in ways you please.
Let your fingers guide my body,
Into pure ecstasy .

Pendulum

You.
You are a demon in the night,
intruding in on my sanity.
I blame you for the insomnia, when in reality
I have myself to blame.
For sucking you in, chewing you up
Spitting you out...

You haunt and taunt me,
But it's bittersweet.
I enjoy the pain,
Salt on an open wound, but you leave me craving
More
of you.
More of
Insane, restless, nights.

You pierce my soul with whimsical words,
Laughter claiming heart, when I'm sure it's the laughter of a monster I've created.
You peal back my layers,
and notice that they're fragile.
So you pull back your pendulum and
Swing.

Sweat Inspired Tears.

Inspire.
Your sex inspired me
Your tears inspired me
My blood inspires me.
The smell of our sweat inspired me,
How lost I became inspired me.
You inspired me.

Writing brought me back,
To the first time,
The mind.

It's incredible
The details a mind remembers,
Of
Lust.
Of sex.
Of sweet, summer, sweat.

Your tears, the sex, more tears,
Our sweat.

Take Me.

Heart drenched in wine,
Staring at the bottom of the bottle we call life.
Every last drop is so sinful, yet our bodies crave the ecstasy.
Righteous we are not, yet holy we resound.
We indulge our bodies in sin, so that our soul can feel;
The light of day, the darkness of night, the highs and the lows.

Drunken off our stupidity, and driven by lustuous love.
Clever we remain, and almost we become...
Whole.

We put poison to our lips to forget,
to remember, to remember to forget.
We let is swim through our purple veins, and suck the oxygen
Clear
Out
Of
Them.

But we feel high, we feel a rush.
So why
Stop?

Beauty is in all,
Even sin.
Taste my blood,
The sweetest poison of past and future.
I've captivated you,
Now take me.

Melt

Two hearts sewn together , and strung by an arrow

Strung up so high the stars looked up at them.

They danced in the night , to the tune of a violin...

distant, yet prominent.

They drew closer and closer together.

Their new found sun warmed them, to the point of melting

Together

Into One.

They were tattered from their past lives,

Yet whole.

They danced until the stars sang, and the moon smiled.

Lost in the night, they danced and danced. 

Fallen

She had a blank stare and no one asked her why.
 Her eyes were swollen with tears- but they came from the sky
She couldn't answer at all if you sat and inquired... 
Because only God knows that fallen angels cry for no reason at all,
 when the reason is actually that they had no clue they had fallen *

They see a reflection, and know it's not them
A shell of a body is not Heaven sent.
They sit, while confused, and smeared with a smile
How God has let angels live human for a while

Their souls know the truth, but their minds are uneasy-
Restless, Unhappy, and mostly Upset.

A spark is flickering, and manic they become- but when the night falls
They know that it's done.

One day they'll be back with their loved ones at bay,
 however it'll be a few life times, as they're light years away.
A soul does not live, just once here on earth- 
They start off as Angels, and fall to the dirt.

Freedom

And some of us are too dead to breathe, yet too alive to live.
Minutes are just the count down until our next life. Slowly slipping from one realm to the next.
We are on a continuum of "for better or for worse" and white picket fences.
A plan motorized we lose track of the flicker in our souls .
It's there. Dig deep and feed it oxygen.
Fuel it, frenzy driven.
Just take a lick of liquor and slip into your freedom.

Float

But we're all punished by our past,
And we suffer from that lash
I choke with each defense you give,
For the hand I was dealt & the hand you played.
Each from ghostly past .
Its crimson runs thick, and its salty waves crash in.
But the numbing and shaking- reminds us of sins
Committed, and bestowed.

Drowning in our anxieties...
We float.

Late Night Indulgence

Melting.
Into the Egyptian Cotton, in a place I call home.
Naked.
Still chested, eyes open, bloodshot.
Silence,
Shattered by the memories of my past.
Wasting...
Into a shell,
Already hollow- like the cruel winter breeze.
Melting,
Indulging in sinful thoughts, and into myself.
Shaking, at the thought of your warmth.
Naked,
My skin melts into the warm aura my corpse is radiating.
Silence,
My breathing shallows, on my demand.
Shattered, and weak
From the pleasure she instills.
Wasting my time,
With just a thought of you.

Kiss of Death

Have the birds sung to you lately?
What did they sing?
Was it songs of pure bliss, or a devilish dream?

Were you caught dancing, or dying?
Or suffering in between?
Like the rest of us here in what we perceive as life... in reality is
Purgatory.

Have you danced lately?
Barefoot in the moonlight? Like we used to on warm summer nights?
I dance in my dreams- I hear your laugh,
I almost see...

Have you thought of me lately? Or was I a dream?
A nightmare disguised,
A sin... accordingly to your Holy.

Have you touched my face, and my lips, or gazed at the sky,
Let's be honest now sweetheart,
The stars are my eyes.
So distant and glistening, alluring at best...
But we both know my kiss, is that kiss of sweet
Death.

Reverie

The bitter winter reverie set in
The frost nipped her pale skin-
She clawed and clawed until her fingernails bled.
These voices, their screaming...
inside of her head.

Was
So
Intense.

Pulsating, through her veins
A poison of love, and rage
She found solace when joint, yet a hollow hell when distance struck.

She had felt this way before.
Hollow.
Distant.
How could she breathe?

Lost at Sea

She dove into a sea of tears, with the riptide pulling her further. Gasping for air, she reached at the hollow air- She clamped on with hope, yet she sunk like a ship.
As her lungs filled with the cool, refreshing, saltwater- she closed her eyes.
She was calm.
Serenity was the only option, at the point of no return.
She inhaled deep, and the pressure was intense,
But she felt as if she was breathing the purest, summer air.
A face appeared, a familiar one,
That of an angelic addiction.
She smiled, and the face smiled back.
Whispers danced through the bitter cold, yet comforting sea.

Would this all be just a dream?
Or a fatal reality?

Step Not So...

You're a trick to them all, a semi-pretty smile.
A "huge huge heart," is what they think for a while-
Until your colors shine through- the ice in your eyes,
"Watch the real sweet ones," are words from the Wise.

You have them all fooled,
But you get what you give-
For now a mirage, but karmas always a bitch,
She taunts you through kind words, when reality is:
You're her only competition, because you are his kid.

He's blinded by "love"
Although we know what's real-
The way he once looked at mom,
Is not how he feels.
He's pushed and resisted- but can never forget
For when he looks right at me,
He sees my Mother instead.

My Sin

So you're back again,
My sweetest sin,
In my darkest hour...
Pure heroin.

You call my name,
I let you in,
But not too close,
For fear-

My sin.

Grasp

Secrecy in desires haunts the majority,
While mindless freaks - tiptoe through the night, embracing their normalcy.
Where has the dying gone? Are they in purgatory, or in a heavenly bliss?
A substantial question which lingers the minds of the inquisitive. The entire flawless fallacies that creep through our demonic obsessions.
Beauty dances in the night with skeletons hand in hand,
Preciously tiptoed, in Pointe shoes- slowly dancing out of our closets.
Freakishly beautiful in the night, as the pale moon shimmers from a distance, through the window of lovers.
Why have you betrayed us, sweet sun?
The stars are the only flaming, glimpses of hope, the dead grasp onto for life.

Toxic Taste

Here I am ...
Lost again,
Searching for an answer- but not actively.
I close my eyes and see shades of Blue.
Damn the Blue.
The Blue, of two.

I lead several lives, within my dreams, and reality.
It sickens me - the darkness that I enjoy, the endless
Dark possibilities that I embrace.
I look for guidance, and acceptance- In pure knowledge that I am destined to be known for a destructive, and fatal attraction.

Attraction so pure, that the world won't be able to deny it's beauty.
Yet, my demons will eat me,
As I eat my prey.
First with the taste of a bleeding heart, and second with the inhale of a soul.
A lost soul, so pure and toxic,
But so sweet in it's taste.

Failed.

I wrote a song...
It's pretty good.
It means a lot.
I'm sorry.
I failed you.

Wishes.

A sacred place for you and I,
Above the clouds.
As miles elongate, and hope becomes bright.
I wish I may, I wish I might.
Send you best wishes,
In the pale moon light.

May peace finally surround you,
and may love finally find you.
Quit running, take a breath, and breathe.

Close your eyes, and sleep well tonight.
Running never felt so right.
But now you're there so take a rest,
Even if it reassures a final breath.

Since final breaths are chances many,
For one may close one chapter,
and open a plenty.

The physical strain of an emotional Demon...

She haunts my body,
The empty cavity that acts as if breathing.
Yet a heart, still beating.

Is it the act of a machine?
For standing alone, it is a dark hole.
Strings, drawn by a puppeteer.

A shadow lurks, and tiptoes, in the shadow I cast alone.
She takes form of my own, and is close enough to capture my breath.
She makes me weak.
Stealing the sweet exhale from my lips, and hugging me tight as I
Try.
To Inhale.
Short.
Gasping.
Breaths.

She teases me with questions, leaving answers unturned.
Health, or Demon?
I know she is attached, and near
But physically?

Breaking down strength,
Until dark dreams, purpose a scare.

Worth

Lost in translation,
It's the truth, the love, the reality.
Taking the worst from the past.
Making it applicable.
When reality is better than the past.
The future is bright,
and the love is true.

Teach yourself to breathe, child.
Because you are just that.
A fragile child, in the body of a woman.
Still seeking acceptance, love and eternal self.

Focus on yourself.
You are beautiful,
You are strong,
You are a lover, not a fighter,
so stop wasting your strength fighting for no reason..
This life is YOURS
Explore the world.
You are young once.

And She...
She will love you until the end.
Because, when you are happy, she is happy.
And when she is happy you are happy.
So be happy in all that you do, and at the end of each day,
You BOTH will be waiting for eachother.

Whether it be a kiss, making love, or a simple phone call through the miles.
Love is worth it,
But never forget,
That LIFE is worth Living!

Singers.

To sing.
 To laugh.
To love.
To reminicse.

Blessed

As I lay here,
Naked and nuzzled up in the warmth of a blanket that your scent lingers on,
I think.
I remind myself that I am blessed, that I am whole with you, and that you
are my One and Only.
The bed feels bigger, the walls are caving in-
yet I do not shake.
I don't shake because I know, you will return.
I know that no matter the distance, the miles, or the time-
We are one.

Our travels may cross paths, but in the end-
You will come home.
The the warmth of my arms, the beating of my heart.

This heart hibernates while you are gone,
My body goes into Auto Pilot,
yet the mind races and races.

I am blessed.
I am blessed for your love, and your efforts to make our life something grand.
I am blessed for the things that I have, and the everyday things I take for granted.
I am blessed each morning that I wake up next to you, and I am blessed when you are gone, because I
know that you are doing this for us.

I shall close these eyes soon, and
drift to a land of Windmills and Waterfalls
like I do each time.
Let's meet.
Underneath the waterfall this time,
close to the edge so our faces get wet, as we cry tears of joy
for being reunited.

I am blessed.

"You" are Several.

How are you?
I'm fine.
I think about you from time to time.
You may be here, you may be there.
But one day, let's be real
You diminished in thin air.

I feel your presence while I'm in the hardest
of places.
I hear your whispers in my sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
Although I taint it with my drugs,
my life for once is more than dull.

But empty is my heart right now,
Our home is echoing- for somehow.

I realize that this letter drags,
but there's more than one I'm screaming to.

I count the stars, and pick them out of the sky.
Put them in a jar, that my tears collect in.

Colored Wishes.

Numbing, beautiful, colors.
They creep into the room as my body relaxes.
Addicted to the self pity,
addicted to the beautiful imperfection,
addicted to being human.
Perfection is expected in this life I live,
so I escape.
Rarely,
but deeply.
It's so surreal- yet makes time fly faster than a jet.

I whisper in the silence, knowing that you are listening.
Knowing that you are there.
And I just wish.

Settles in.

Pop
Pop
Pop.
Sip.
Sip.
Swallow.
Settles in.

Listen.

I'm here.
Hearing.
And here.

I'm there.
Here but
There.
Hearing.

Tonight shall be induced with
medical pleasure
in the form of the tiniest
capsules.
Revealing the tortures of the mind.

Stay tuned.

Crave.

I close my eyes and levitate,
Floating through darkness, blinded
Then upon opening my eyes I am hovering,
Over your bed.
Floating.

I am hungry for your sex, your blood, your sweat, your tears.
Your energy.
Your poor, poor mind-
Your body
Your soul.
I am hungry, I crave it, and I need it to
Survive.

I inhale your scent, so sweet, so pure-
Your sleeping body senses me.
I drop down closer.. merely inches away from your bare skin.
My presence has your flustered, but you arch your back and let out a sweet, gentle sigh.
A smile graces your lips.

I open my blood red lips and inhale, your energy,
Your sexual desires from your body.
I thrive off of this feeling.

I am full,
You are limp,
Silent breathing, yet your chest still rises and falls.
Lips are cold, but regaining color.
You are alive.

And I close my eyes once again, to wake up in my own bed.
If only this one hundred and forty four year old demon, would
leave you alone.
Because in actuality- I crave the whole, not the body.

Te Amo

Can't Remember to Forget

Succubus

Life after death,
Am I
or Will I be,
A Succubus?

If they roam this earth then I surely am this creature that I feel deep within,
If I'm not then I was, or will be.

Demons

"But the world is so corrupt and justice must be served!" She screamed at the top of her lungs,
Tattered.
"If we didn't press for change the world would be colder than the ice age we live in now- and that's pretty damn cold!" She continued.

So furious, and determined to prove a point.
Her tiny little voice screams through the airwaves-
Air Length escape underneath her words.
Her tiny little fists want to pound on the floor- she wants to scream and throw her body to the linoleum.
Cold, hard, lifeless linoleum- just as cold, hard and lifeless as this fucking world.

The scream resonating in her head is piercing,
and painful.
Soundling like a million voices,
Telling her, whispering to her, all the terrible things that she "should do"

"It's OK" They whisper, "We are your friends," The assure.
"INSANITY! Leave me the FUCK alone!" She screams out loud.

The lights flicker,
Something....Something very dark has consumed her this past month.
She needs to escape it, but there is no escaping a demon that attaches itself to your being.
Because A body is weak,
But a mind is strong.

She inhales,
It's shaky like it has been.
Frail and Weak.
She knows deep down that she is stronger than these demons.

FUCK.

She breaks down, shaking (which seems to be the norm lately).
Fiercely shaking.
Like the addict that she is, although this time it's not from withdraw,
It's from these demons.
Which swim like the purest heroin through her veins.
Pure.
Fucking.
Heroin.

Accept

And she spins faster than ever,
The pinks and blues of the sky, they swirl.
Like cotton candy being spun on a carousel.

Whirling and twirling, and falling to the floor.
A fun and beautiful sensation, yet a headache accompanied by a stomach ache,
While hitting the floor.
Fun at first,
Leaving you breathless.
Lifeless.
Yet Zen resides within, where you grew it once.
The seed is still planted, parched and dry- thirsty and dehydrated.
Begging for water with a dry, dusty mouth.

"Acceptance is key"
Whispered an angel, who was mortal.
She was spiritual, and beautiful- and I wanted to learn.
I listened in the heat of a tight chest, and anxiety stricken mind.

Her light eyes and dark complexion, were so reassuring.
Maybe she had the key to eternal peace.
It's time to delve and read - to understand and
Accept.

Accept.