Veins Burning

Do you ever feel like your veins turn to ice?
But at the same time it feels like there is fire running through them... burning from the inside out?

I was never this way until recent years.
I was always calm, accepting and aware.

But something turned me on my head.
Someone?
The universe?
What ever it was has made me dead.

They say you must die to be reborn,
To experience awakening.
Not die literally,  but figuratively.

You know...
Like those poems we dissected by suicidal famous poets in high school?

Maybe they missed the meaning of life?
Or maybe I'm missing the meaning of literal death.

One way or another my veins are burning.
A vice stares me down from my bedside table.
And the parasite in my mind is being fed.

I must cut off her source of food to evade this poison.
I must end this addiction to self suffering and self destruction.

Because my life has so much more loving to do.
Because my soul has so much more light to share.

But here I am
Sitting in a dark room.
Veins burning.