Unlucky

 How lucky one must be,

To feel that everlasting feeling,

Without a fleeting moment of doubt,
Fully confident, immersed, and healing.

How lucky one must be,
To feel stillness fill their soul,
To feel comfort in societal norms
And believe all that they're told.

How lucky one must be,
To not suffer from inner wars,
To never question what they're taught.
To feel so bold, and sure.

To only see stars with names,
While others, they've forgot.
How lucky one must be tonight,
To never lose a thought.

How lucky one must be,
In ignorance and bliss.
To feel alive, not dead inside
More than just when they kiss.

How lucky one must be.

Waiting

 You wait until nobody's home,

To take off the clothes you put on, your outfit of the day...

To unhook your bra, throw on your favorite sweats, and crawl back into bed.

Sure, your makeup is done.

Your hair, looks perfect,

But the universe feels so undeniably consuming and weighted. 

Your weighted blanket is not enough today,

Your mascara starts to run, as your eyes well with tears that nobody sees...

That you don't want anybody to see.

Which is why you always wait...

You silence your phone, the way you wish you could silence your mind-

Though, that loud-mouthed bitch won't seem to shut up. 

You set an alarm, to give yourself just enough time to put your outfit back on, and reapply some concealer and mascara. 

Can't let anyone know that you've spent the last three hours in bed, gripping your chest, and gasping for air.

You try so hard to just smile, to find the light amidst the darkness that swallows you in waves. 

It is easy to find the voice of reason, the meaning of life, and silver linings when others are in need - 

But when you are drowning, those ideas seem like distant bubbles of air, slowly floating further and further away from your lips, to the water's surface before they burst.

So you wait even longer.

You try to hide all that is inside, though the little girl in your soul screams and begs to be heard... to be loved, unconditionally. 

There is so much that she used to believe in,

But now, she too, keeps waiting.

Caged Butterflies

 

And the butterflies in my chest, frantically fly back and forth in their prison of a rib cage.
Trying to break free, but each breath and heartbeat keeps them chained.
They are desperate for peace.
Their wings are tattered from fighting the palpitations
"How much longer?" they cry

Truth Be Told

 Truth be told,

I don't want to do this alone.

I can't imagine my life without you.

But here I am,

Laying in the wake of my uncertainty.

I find myself giving my all to you again,

And it feels so good, 

You feel like home. 

Truth be told,

I'm terrified you will love life even more without me,

When you are the one who taught me truly how to live...

And truth be told,

The only life I want to start over, 

Is a life with you.

Truth be told, 

There is nobody else I'd rather spend forever with, than you,

And truth be told,

I'm willing to work harder, the way we deserve to have been worked on for so long...

Truth be told, I see you working hard on yourself, and it makes me fall in love with you all over again.

I am so proud of you for trying to discover yourself, and work through your traumas.

Truth be told,

I never have, and never will stop loving you;

Regardless of what tomorrow brings.