Waiting

 You wait until nobody's home,

To take off the clothes you put on, your outfit of the day...

To unhook your bra, throw on your favorite sweats, and crawl back into bed.

Sure, your makeup is done.

Your hair, looks perfect,

But the universe feels so undeniably consuming and weighted. 

Your weighted blanket is not enough today,

Your mascara starts to run, as your eyes well with tears that nobody sees...

That you don't want anybody to see.

Which is why you always wait...

You silence your phone, the way you wish you could silence your mind-

Though, that loud-mouthed bitch won't seem to shut up. 

You set an alarm, to give yourself just enough time to put your outfit back on, and reapply some concealer and mascara. 

Can't let anyone know that you've spent the last three hours in bed, gripping your chest, and gasping for air.

You try so hard to just smile, to find the light amidst the darkness that swallows you in waves. 

It is easy to find the voice of reason, the meaning of life, and silver linings when others are in need - 

But when you are drowning, those ideas seem like distant bubbles of air, slowly floating further and further away from your lips, to the water's surface before they burst.

So you wait even longer.

You try to hide all that is inside, though the little girl in your soul screams and begs to be heard... to be loved, unconditionally. 

There is so much that she used to believe in,

But now, she too, keeps waiting.