What I Would Give

 Hey mom,

It's me... 

Remember me? 

Your daughter.

The one whom you gave your body to, as a safe haven for 9 months? 

The one you'd rock to sleep, even when you didn't have any? 

The one you coached cheer teams for, volunteered at the library for...

You even made me a birthday poster in middle school to put on the cafeteria door... because I was bullied, and you didn't want me to feel left out. 

You used to hold me while I cried, and wipe away my tears. 

You constantly reminded me of my worth... so mom... please remember I'm right here. 

Do you remember the time I came home crying because a girl was mean to me. You brought me right back out the door, and told me to get into the passenger seat. 

You drove by her house, rolled down my window, laid on your horn, and told me to moon them, while you gave her and her mom the finger... 

In that ridiculous moment, I knew you always had my back. I laughed. 

Remember the days of hooky? Where we'd get lunch, and get our nails done? 

I loved those... the way you used to look at me, made me feel so safe and loved. 

During college, things slowly started to go south. You lost your way, and that's OK,

Words like blades, flow out your mouth. 

And here, and there, I'd see some rays. 

Your laughter, gave me hope. 

It's been ten years, and there's something you should know. 

I'm scared mom, and I have been,

Each and every day. 

I worry every moment, that God will soon take you away. 

I bite my lip, to stop its quivers,

And toughen up my face. 

But in all reality, mom...

I'd give anything to take your place. 

I need you now more than ever, and I've tried to let you know. 

But addiction leaves you clouded, but just know, I'm never letting go. 

I hope someday, you come my way 

Your light shining oh so bright...

That light I miss, and strive to be.

I won't give up the fight.