Dear angel (A),
I know you don't know me by name. You may recognize it if you heard it. I know you might not even recognize my face, it's been a year since you first (and last) saw it. There are just a few things that I want you to know. First of all (and most importantly) you need to know how much your father loves you.I remember the day he called me and told me he was going to have a son. I could hear his voice full of tears of joy. One thing I never doubted was that he would be THE BEST father, and that any child would be lucky to call him "Dad." Ever since him and I were young, dumb and in love he wanted kids... all he ever wanted was to be a dad. He had this beautiful innate desire to be the best father a world could offer, and that was one of the things I most admired about him. When you were born I got another call a few days later, he was ecstatic. You were "beautiful" "perfect" and "all he could've asked for." My heart did flips and sang with joy again. There is something about your father he may not recognize, and as you grow older you will remind him of: his worth. Your father is a hard worker, is determined and has arguably the largest heart that I've come across in my lifetime. He is full of love, determination and creativity. I have no doubt that as you continue to grow and flourish he will see these qualities in you, his Son. Another thing I want to do is thank you. Thank you for giving your dad a reason to live when times get tough. Thank you for giving him unconditional love for the rest of his life. And thank you for blessing me with the ability to be connected to you through the distance. I can only hope that my ability to "see" what your soul has in store continues. When I first met you, you were four. It was about a year ago on a cool fall night. The stars were out in full force and I came over to have a cup of coffee and catch up with your father. Although we didn't work out as a couple, I know in my heart of hearts that we will always have a love and friendship with one another. We were talking about your recent accomplishments, your personality, your minor foes. His eyes were so bright. The brightest I had ever seen them. He got so excited that he literally woke you up in the middle of the night so that I could meet his little angel. You were scrawny, lanky, tired and had on these adorable little pajamas. You rubbed your eyes, the same eyes you shared with your father. He introduced you to me, and I fought back tears. I was so happy in this moment. I was so happy to see your father so happy and to see the life that he brought into this world. You were shy at first, but quickly broke out of your shell for a few minutes. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. I want to thank you for that moment.
Throughout your short life I've had dreams and visions that you are in. Some good things, like how you are going to accomplish so much in your life. And some bad things, mainly health related issues. This morning I woke up with extreme anxiety. You and your father graced my dreams once again, and you were sick. You were so sick and I wanted to save you. It was your heart. Please know that if I could, I would give you mine to save your life. My dream was filled with anxiety, surgery, and the unknown. Awaken abruptly I called your father, he answered, unphased by my "So, I know this sounds crazy but I just had a dream about your son..." preface. He laughed, "I figured when you called that you had another one of your dreams." "It was his heart... I mean, I'm sure it isn't as bad as it was in my dream, but it was clearly his heart. Something was wrong with it... I just..."
"That's wild... we just took him to the doctors this week and he has a heart murmur... The doctors said it's nothing serious, but he does have one."
I felt so connected to you in this moment. Chills took over my body, tears filled my eyes. The moment I hung up the phone with your father I closed my eyes and prayed to the Universe. I asked her to allow us to share this connection for the remainder of my life. I sent positive energy, love and light to you.
Lastly, I want you to know that the world is yours for the taking. My dear, I want you to understand that ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING you want in this world can be yours. You can accomplish great things, and you WILL accomplish great things. Never doubt your intuition, as I promise you it's right about 99.99% of the time. Follow your dreams, and conquer the world!
I could continue to ramble on, but just know that there are undoubtedly at least two people in the world that would do anything for you. Sure one of them might be me, a 'stranger' to your physical world experiences, but because I would do anything for your Dad I would do anything for you.
With Love,
The Woman that Could've Been Your Mom
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