Ray of Sunshine

I wonder,
If sometimes,
You don't even realize you're a ray of sunshine,
In somebody's world.

Alchemist

I am an Alchemist,
You are an Alchemist...
Don't let the world fool you with its disillusion.
Many simply fear the power within.

You have the power to create, to make, to change, to birth
Whatever you wish.

Take that pain, and turn it into strength.
Take that disappointment and mold it into clarity.
Take that self-doubt and slowly shape it into your beautiful, shining, self-worth.

And babe... if you do one thing with your alchemy...
Turn this fucking chaos into a revolution.

Thoughts for now

Indefinite uncertainty is beautifully chaotic

Berries and a Dream

You walk into my kitchen and I start frantically picking things up and putting them where they belong. 

You open the fridge and pull out a carton of berries and start placing them in your mouth. 

You continue to browse the shelves of my relatively empty fridge. 

"You must be starving," I say, not sure of what I can offer you other than some green beans and vegetarian sausage 

"Yeah, I am pretty hungry," you take exactly those two items out.

I reach for a pan out of the dishwasher, and place it on the stove. 

As I reach for the green beans, 

You grab my wrist gently and turn me towards you. You give me this look as if i need to slow down and drop into the moment. 

I inhale, pause, exhale smile.

Your eyes are comforting and inviting. 

You gently touch my lips and slowly turn back to the carton of berries. 

You feed me one. 

It is the perfect balance of sweetness and tart. 

You then feed me a gentle kiss, as you pull me in by my hips. 

The moment our lips touch, I wake.

Surrounded by four white walls, so familiar, yet haunting.

Bloom Again

There is something magical about when it rains in the desert.
The air feels cool,
The ground opens up,
And every living being rejoices.

Moods lighten,
And the moisture in the air feels like gentle kisses on your skin.
The kind that give you goosebumps.

As the rain falls,
I can't help but feel pulled outside.
Face turned skyward,
Eyes closed,
Letting the desert rain wash away all of my pain, insecurities, and doubt.

I feel this spark arising in my soul,
Ignited by each raindrop that falls on my face.

I have the urge to dance barefoot,
Splashing in the unexpecting puddles, alongside the wild cacti.

I hear the grackles and doves sing their praises in unison,
I see the hummingbirds pause for a moment to bathe in the natural formed baths.

All that is the desert aligns, and is calm.

When this time space reality is quenched,
It feels as if all will bloom again.

Swallowed Tears

"You look rough..." she said,
As I sat on the bed,
Over sized shirt,
The ink on my chest peeking through.

I guess I've just been handling my shit,
I knew in that moment she was seeing everything I was feeling...
And for the first time in months I felt seen.

"You just look like you've been through war..."

"Well, I have kind of been at war in my head for a while now..." I paused, and felt as if we were going to actually talk... get deep, ya know?

"I've just been having this nightmare about my mom... and I feel like each day that passes is a day closer to the day I get that call... and..." I paused again.

She was scrolling...
It was silent.

"Sorry, I know it's stupid." I took a step back into my shell.

"It's not stupid..." her eyes never leaving her phone.
The moment fled.
I swallowed my tears.