Hold On

 Here I am,

Dressing the part,

Painting the smile on my face, 

A shade of red that only I can place. 

Here I am,

Walking the walk,

Talking the talk,

Hand over hand, and foot in front of foot.

Here I am,

Caught in this spiral,

Of love, but no lust

Of adventure, but no trust

A shell of what was once us...

Holding on -

I fear my true self-

The lies that I tell myself - it's a mess in my head.

Truly. 

And few know the truth- 

Even more than I do-

But I wane like the moon,

And love strangers who swoon.

Because love is abundant,

And mine, it feels caged-

But caged feels somewhat safe... 

But it makes me enraged.

Though I can't catch a break-

Or my breath-

Waiting on death - to save me,

To change me,

To grow and Rebirth me-

But won't the growing pains hurt? 

Or will I find a soft place to fall?

Will one of them catch me? 

My anxiety shakes me- but can't quite awake me...

I fear what I know, 

And I know this is all.

This is it.

This is the climax of what it is-

And yet, I try to hold on...