Mine

 I'm sitting here,

Meditating on what I'm actually feeling - 

At first I wondered if, in fact, I was not trusting the way I said I was...

But no, that's not it. 

I fully trust you. 

Then I wondered, if it was fear of not being chosen - or simply having to compete...

But no, that's not it either. 

But I've figured it out -

After an anxiety filled birthday - 

A day that I thought would feel differently. 

After tarot, and herbal magic...

It hit me, 

I'm having a feeling of simply not being enough... and holy fuck...

When I realized that, I wanted to vomit. 

I haven't felt that way in easily over a decade. 

I told myself I'd never put myself in a position to feel that way again,

Yet I'm here.

A decade older and wiser-

And acknowledging the feeling.

I'm holding space for this feeling,

Inspecting and examining it. 

Why do I feel this way? 

Is it my own perception? 

My own fears? 

My past setting off alarm bells?

I need to extinguish this feeling,

Embrace my innate confidence,  that I've grown to stand in. 

This feeling, is temporary. 

This feeling, is based on falsified perceptions in this current moment. 

It simply,

Is not true. 

I am wildly more than enough,

I have the world to offer and an abundance of unconditional love. 

I am a fucking Goddess. 

I am powerful, magical, magnetic and radiant.

I am the epitome of beauty inside and out.

I am adventurous and a free spirit.

I am successful and building this fucking beautiful, unbreakable empire. 

I deserve the fucking world. 

I deserve respect, unconditional love, playful love, sexual magnetism, and the most serene peace.

All of that will be mine,

Because it is already mine.