My Eyes Are Not My Own

 A glimpse,

A moment, 

My eyes meet my own-

Standing in front of me as I take off my makeup after a lovely day.

I quickly look away,

A habit I formed back when you left this earth,

For my eyes are your own,

Over the years, I've tried to fall in love with them again-

Shades of green, speckled with blue that comes from you.

My first thought tonight was,

"Wow"

Captivated by the quick glimpse of beauty that nearly escaped me with the moment.

But then it hits me,

I force myself to look back,

And I see you.

I see you so vividly,

In my image.

And I smile,

Fighting back some tears. 

I chuckle, because in this moment I realize, I feel most beautiful when I see you in me.

I've looked away for so long,

Trying to forget the pain of the loss,

Even my own father doesn't look me in the eyes the same anymore,

Because he sees you-

It took my brother years to open back up to me, 

Because he feels you-

My own grandmother won't answer my calls,

Because she hears you.

But what they don't realize, is that you are a part of each of us-

I just happen to outwardly portray it.

So,

I tell you how I feel,

A smile slips back across my lips.

I love you dearly,

And feel you with me, 

Every waking moment,

Of every day. 

You are my soul-

I embody the unconditional love that you instilled in me at such a young age.

Visit me soon,

In my dreams,

Because only there, you become tangible. 

My eyes are not my own,

I share them with an angel,

And I hope that even strangers can see your light when they look into my eyes.