Dangerous Travel

Her eyes grew heavy,
Strained and tired.
A feeling she was far too familiar with.
It was early morning, but sleep was needed.
Her glance couldn't stop...
She was mesmerized by simple words,
Where separate would mean nothing,
But put together delicately, would mean the world.

She pulled the blanket up to her chin.
The cold air around her, made the hairs on her neck stand on point.
Nothing felt colder than her soul,
But in her soul, she found a flame.

She was already sick...
Her mind was dim, and her depression was an illness in itself.
But there was one illness she was sure to have, but if that didn't claim her,
She knew a tragedy would.

Curled in a ball
Somewhat resemblant of a half moon,
She begged the universe to hold her.

Her heartbeat was strong,
Her breathing was steady.
She would fall into a pattern of mindset,
Much like a movie.

She would travel in this moment.
To where?
She didn't know,
And that in itself was dangerous.

What would she say?

She didn't know where to begin.
Would lifetimes truly separate them until a new life was born?
Would it really not be in this lifetime that she found peace in what true love really was?
Sure she was reckless...
Sure she was a gypsy soul, never to be truly tied down...
But was her life just some sick movie of unrequited love?

Much to her dismay,
A fiction, all too close to reality, danced across the page in front of her.
Could this really be how it ends?

Chills encompassed her skin,
As she thought of all the scenerios that could play out.

She was young, but how short is life?
She was indecisive, but why?
What was she scared of?
What was she holding back from?
She asked these questions... But she truly knew.
Her notion of love was ripped away from her,
Thanks Dad.
She didn't truly believe in real, pure, unjudgemental love.
She just went through the motions,
Of what love is supposed to be.

First you're happy,
Then you grow to resent.
After all,
That's the course of love right?

She would be there,
The night of/the day after a number that slowly gets smaller.
Simply hoping that the bread crumbs led her down the right path.

Their unspoken rule of love.
Their undeniable lack of Justice.
How would she even be able to speak?
No answer was right,
No words could truly apologize for the agony and pain caused in the crossfire.
What would she say?
Would she have to say anything at all?

She is Insomnia

She sets in again,
My lifelong, alluring friend.
I toss and turn.

She wakes me in the night,
Or early, before the new sun rises.
She keeps me to herself,
In this purgatory hell.

I wish to close my eyes,
But open they remain.
My soul is restless,
Mind is racing...

I'm over her sick games.

Lesson in Honoring Myself

Days have passed and I find myself as two very different people.

One is a person who gives her all to another, asks for nothing in return, and as a consequence becomes resentful.

The other is a woman, blossoming and growing spiritually and mentally. She is loving of all that surrounds her, but most importantly has learned to honor herself.

It is a balancing act,
One of practice and concentration.
I know the healthier of the two.

I refuse to lose her,
Refuse to get so lost in another that I lose myself.
It has become routine, but recognized,
And now boundaries will be set.

Will it be easy?
Of course not...
But the best things in life are worth fighting for.

I close my eyes,
Set my intentions,
To honor myself.
To love myself.

Moment

One day of pure bliss,
One day of sinful adventures,
Three days of anxiety.

I wonder if I am stuck in my head,
Or if drifting is reality.
All is beautiful,
All grows,
But does all fade?

I meditate,
Room filling with incense smoke,
Mind cluttered,
But trying to clear.

I notice my breathing is shallow,
My heart is racing,
And my mind won't stop.

I focus,
Trying to declutter,
Trying to slow down,
Trying to be at peace.

Opposites

I rise with love,
She rises with angst

I rise with good intentions,
She rises with self-centered focus.

I rise with peace,
She rises distraught.

How can one wake with negativity,
When the day has just been born?

See you soon.

As my eyes closed,
The moon was huge.
Her glow was gorgeous and inviting.

As I slept she watched me in my sleep.
Whispering sweet nothings.

As I Rose,
She greeted me with her love,
And as I watched her become smaller
And further
Away...

She said
"I'll see you soon"