Today started out much better than expected
A good nights sleep after lashing out seems to always be the most peaceful- the hardest sleep of them all
And with so much to do today I find myself only yearning... to go back to sleep.
Maybe just a nap...
Dreams kiss my lips with a smile.
Ok... just for a moment...
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
hmmm...ugh.
So I was waiting... patiently, yet not so patiently ..
waiting and waiting- from the moment she left.
Waiting for her to come back home- hoping her times were better than expected.
...I hear the door knob turn slowly, almost a tease.
creeking and the door opens,
Barefoot and in my underwear I run from the couch to the kitchen on my tip toes... so excited,
biggest smile on my face!
She lets out a giggle as I am about to tackle her...
I do,
then it's downhill...
She complains about her aches and pains, the boredom of the trip, and how I didn't do laundry while she was gone...when I didn't have a car.
Friendless.
So, no I couldn't have had somebody bring me to do just one load.
I'll go now.
But, No.
I'm not allowed to.
Because it's about 11pm and she is tired...
I'll do it while she sleeps...
but no.
And how I know this will roll over until tomorrow.
Oh how I know. . .
waiting and waiting- from the moment she left.
Waiting for her to come back home- hoping her times were better than expected.
...I hear the door knob turn slowly, almost a tease.
creeking and the door opens,
Barefoot and in my underwear I run from the couch to the kitchen on my tip toes... so excited,
biggest smile on my face!
She lets out a giggle as I am about to tackle her...
I do,
then it's downhill...
She complains about her aches and pains, the boredom of the trip, and how I didn't do laundry while she was gone...when I didn't have a car.
Friendless.
So, no I couldn't have had somebody bring me to do just one load.
I'll go now.
But, No.
I'm not allowed to.
Because it's about 11pm and she is tired...
I'll do it while she sleeps...
but no.
And how I know this will roll over until tomorrow.
Oh how I know. . .
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Take 2
It's like a movie scene.
Rushing to and fro
Searching high and low...
however, it's going all wrong.
Line forgotten,
actors tripping over their own feet.
Costumes ripping.
The director scream "CUT!"
the words are like razor blades running down an old school house chalk board.
The words are so in sync with the clashing of the clapper board.
"TAKE TWO!"
Rushing to and fro
Searching high and low...
however, it's going all wrong.
Line forgotten,
actors tripping over their own feet.
Costumes ripping.
The director scream "CUT!"
the words are like razor blades running down an old school house chalk board.
The words are so in sync with the clashing of the clapper board.
"TAKE TWO!"
Monday, March 26, 2012
Letting Go
I am finally letting go again,
being free- being me
Happy, dancing, flowing all the time.
Doing what I want in life- and having fun while I'm young.
No worries, no cares in the world.
I hope this freelance life continues to feel so right -
For example: I tried out for gogo dancing today... and I'm pretty sure I got the job :)
Just having fun* MY Life.
being free- being me
Happy, dancing, flowing all the time.
Doing what I want in life- and having fun while I'm young.
No worries, no cares in the world.
I hope this freelance life continues to feel so right -
For example: I tried out for gogo dancing today... and I'm pretty sure I got the job :)
Just having fun* MY Life.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Skimming
Dear,
Here, there, everywhere...
Sorry,
Empty promises.. Lost regrets.
Life now... good but room...
I enjoy and appreciate the little moment more than ever...
Sun ..shining.
Feeling Free...
Love,
Instinctively Me
Here, there, everywhere...
Sorry,
Empty promises.. Lost regrets.
Life now... good but room...
I enjoy and appreciate the little moment more than ever...
Sun ..shining.
Feeling Free...
Love,
Instinctively Me
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
First Day of Spring
It's amazing how time flies -
winter passes, the sun is shining, and the warm weather keeps me more than content.
If I could stay in the warmer months from now until eternity I would,
for they are not dark and dismal like the months of winter and fall.
So many things are going my way, my life is looking up, and working on myself has never felt so good!
- Breathe in the deep, warm, comfort of the spring air-
winter passes, the sun is shining, and the warm weather keeps me more than content.
If I could stay in the warmer months from now until eternity I would,
for they are not dark and dismal like the months of winter and fall.
So many things are going my way, my life is looking up, and working on myself has never felt so good!
- Breathe in the deep, warm, comfort of the spring air-
Friday, March 16, 2012
Rain Drops
Rain drops falling from the sky,
yet a heat still embraces my whole body
I am one with the rain.
Spinning, and twirling and walking in it
this is me.
Barefoot dancing on the warm asphault.
My skirt gets heavier and heavier- yet flows with such eloquency
I've learned to make the best of the pitter-pattering of the rain.
The droplets that form on my skin stare back at me like a mirror;
I smile.
Just at the sight of my life through one raindrop.
yet a heat still embraces my whole body
I am one with the rain.
Spinning, and twirling and walking in it
this is me.
Barefoot dancing on the warm asphault.
My skirt gets heavier and heavier- yet flows with such eloquency
I've learned to make the best of the pitter-pattering of the rain.
The droplets that form on my skin stare back at me like a mirror;
I smile.
Just at the sight of my life through one raindrop.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Embrace it.
My middrift is flat, about an inch or two showing between the blue jeans hugging my hip bones and the grey worn in shirt I wear.
Finally, if mother nature allows it to be, Spring is here.
A warm breeze graces my skin, while the sun kisses my cheeks just enough to make me blush.
Oddly enough the world is one.
The trees stand bare waiting for the sun to give way to their life- it will, in a matter of time.
Their branches reaching up like a child searching for its mother's breast.
So simple- and so pure.
The grass squeezing to be green- and becoming tired from trying so hard to be beautiful.
It's almost here world- or it finally is.
A time for new life, new beginings, letting go.
With just a little bit of effort one can become positive, and loving in all that they do.
All you have to do is embrace your sanctity and unity with the world around-
Embrace it.
Finally, if mother nature allows it to be, Spring is here.
A warm breeze graces my skin, while the sun kisses my cheeks just enough to make me blush.
Oddly enough the world is one.
The trees stand bare waiting for the sun to give way to their life- it will, in a matter of time.
Their branches reaching up like a child searching for its mother's breast.
So simple- and so pure.
The grass squeezing to be green- and becoming tired from trying so hard to be beautiful.
It's almost here world- or it finally is.
A time for new life, new beginings, letting go.
With just a little bit of effort one can become positive, and loving in all that they do.
All you have to do is embrace your sanctity and unity with the world around-
Embrace it.
Friday, March 9, 2012
something new, a ray of sun
I toss and turn, stretch my body-
slits grace my eyes,
it's morning...
I take my finger tip and reach for the curtain, pulling it ever so gently
just enough to let a ray of sunshine grace my face.
I smile.
I take a deep breath in-
Something new is coming around this bend I call life.
...I think I just might embrace it!
slits grace my eyes,
it's morning...
I take my finger tip and reach for the curtain, pulling it ever so gently
just enough to let a ray of sunshine grace my face.
I smile.
I take a deep breath in-
Something new is coming around this bend I call life.
...I think I just might embrace it!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Zen
I sit,
back straight- legs looking like a pretzel.
Eyes closed.
The backs of my eye lids are dimly lit up by the flicker of two flames on their side of me.
I take a deep breath in, and relax for a few moments (although I hesitate)
The smell is of sweet lavender and vanilla
Burning from an incent.
I slow my breathing, still my breathing, and focus on each simple inhale and exhale.
"Life is Good." I whisper to myself
I have to remind myself why I am here
I reminisce on my mistakes and vow to never make them again.
I am a work in progress- slowly but surely I change- for the better
By May 1st I vow to be a different person.
"Positive thoughts, baby, just think positive thoughts" - I cringe as images flash through my memory like the sweetest of all poisons.
I promise the Goddess of my time to change-
it is her that I will change for, and him who I will hold as her equivalent
I am changing to re-live the way of life I used to live years ago-
Back to my Zen ways,
for Zen and practice bring Karma in the most positive pure form
Worldly things are left at the beginning of the journey- and your past is no longer discussable.
*One more breath in, and one more out*
...and I catch myself and say...
It happens, every day... maybe two or three times a day.
I don't know why,
it's purely inexplicable.
Intoxicating, because I enjoy it for those nearly two minutes each time it happens.
music notes grace the airwaves and I go limp, numb with a stupid smile-
blissfully ignorant.
and then I catch myself...
*click*
switching over to something that dulls the memory...
nope, nope, nope...
here we go- a little rock, a little anger and a little sting in this one.
I feel as if I should punish myself for letting those thoughts even cross my mind;
and I should mutilate myself for even smiling at them.
"Stupid little girl. You are stupid to even think that such a person should make you..smile, hum, or even relax.
Last time you relaxed for simplistic moments you were stabbed in the back... Stupid, silly, girl you!"
It happens again... moments, or hours later.
Smiling, dumbfounded by my ignorance yet again...
how can one be so ignorant so many times in one day?
I catch myself and say... "Today is not the day, nor the year- but the lifetime is never ruled out. However, in a different lifetime, or universe... No. Stop it."
I pull over,
bury my cool face in my hands- and let the tears stream down my face like razorblades.
It's alright to cry about the past once in a while-
but for now you are only allotting yourself two minutes and thirty seven seconds.
...and stop.
Why do these things happen?
Still...
It's not fair.
But life, life isn't fair now is it?
I don't know why,
it's purely inexplicable.
Intoxicating, because I enjoy it for those nearly two minutes each time it happens.
music notes grace the airwaves and I go limp, numb with a stupid smile-
blissfully ignorant.
and then I catch myself...
*click*
switching over to something that dulls the memory...
nope, nope, nope...
here we go- a little rock, a little anger and a little sting in this one.
I feel as if I should punish myself for letting those thoughts even cross my mind;
and I should mutilate myself for even smiling at them.
"Stupid little girl. You are stupid to even think that such a person should make you..smile, hum, or even relax.
Last time you relaxed for simplistic moments you were stabbed in the back... Stupid, silly, girl you!"
It happens again... moments, or hours later.
Smiling, dumbfounded by my ignorance yet again...
how can one be so ignorant so many times in one day?
I catch myself and say... "Today is not the day, nor the year- but the lifetime is never ruled out. However, in a different lifetime, or universe... No. Stop it."
I pull over,
bury my cool face in my hands- and let the tears stream down my face like razorblades.
It's alright to cry about the past once in a while-
but for now you are only allotting yourself two minutes and thirty seven seconds.
...and stop.
Why do these things happen?
Still...
It's not fair.
But life, life isn't fair now is it?
Monday, March 5, 2012
Flicker
a ligHt- it flickers,
from what seems to be a thousand miles away - or more.
it's small, wavering and one slows their Breathing.
Soon this flame will be out-
with one. deep. breath.
inhale- and within a matter of milliseconds
gone,
just like the faded memories,
the flame of a heart
but a joyous day!
songs ringing like church bells;
can you hear them in the distance?
be stong, be loving, and carefree- it's your time to shine :)
from what seems to be a thousand miles away - or more.
it's small, wavering and one slows their Breathing.
Soon this flame will be out-
with one. deep. breath.
inhale- and within a matter of milliseconds
gone,
just like the faded memories,
the flame of a heart
but a joyous day!
songs ringing like church bells;
can you hear them in the distance?
be stong, be loving, and carefree- it's your time to shine :)
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Summer Goals:
Traveling:
*PA for Incubus Concert
*NJ for 311 Concert (if they freaking post the summer dates!!)
*TN for Bonnaroo <3
*FL? for fun
*Canada
Myself:
Stay thin, stay positive, meditate every day- and practice Yoga <3
*PA for Incubus Concert
*NJ for 311 Concert (if they freaking post the summer dates!!)
*TN for Bonnaroo <3
*FL? for fun
*Canada
Myself:
Stay thin, stay positive, meditate every day- and practice Yoga <3
Her Diamonds-Rob Thomas with lyrics
*Perfection lies between the truth-realitiy and this fiction world we call home*
Thursday, March 1, 2012
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