Reassurance

A pause.
A moment of silence.
My heart sinks as my mind races.
I reassure myself, but the silence is anything but reassuring.
She doesn't know what I think.
The demons that cloud my soul.
I hide them better than many know, except one.
There is a knot in my throat,
tightening as i manage to breathe.
Together, our love is undeniable.
Apart my mind races through the woahs of my past,
gripping my neglected innocence.

I crave my diseases, this always happens.
I fight back salty tears, as I tiptoe to my medicine cabinet.
I want to be alone,
yet I want to be comforted.
I must find sanctuary in something bigger than these small blips.

"Time will fly" I whisper,
yet it hasn't even been two weeks.
Bottles call my name,
And I struggle internally.
Yet I know that I cannot let my past creep up on me,
Because she is everything that my past is NOT.
She is EVERYTHING to me.

"Cut the shit"
I whisper in the night,
Though the night is barely breaking.

"I love you my little sea monkey ;)" I text her
However, she can't see me struggle behind these words.
Simply motions of fingers
But today is just a bad day.
Tomorrow will be better.



*side note: I think tomorrow I will go to my favorite coffee shop (Freedom of Espresso) on Solar street. I need to escape this dungeon of a home. For my thoughts will destroy me each moment I'm alone.*