Eyes sore from soul searching,
But I know of peace, and where it can be found.
I see it,
Almost through an alternate universe.
Glass houses.
Reading into my emotions,
Trying to let the universe engulf me.
Breathe.
Right now,
I am willing to learn,
So being a student I become.
To learn,
To love.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Friday, August 21, 2015
Moving Wheels
City lights, rushing by.
In the darkness of the night,
I let her beauty consume me,
I've lost me,
She knew me.
Feeling the hours rush by me,
Twilight zone.
Flooded with uncertainty,
But somehow I know
That where I am is where I'm supposed to be at that very moment,
Although I long for something more:
Drops of sweat beaded on my skin,
From a night of passion and sin.
Peaceful sleep, first in years,
Feeling right, and lacking all my devious fears.
But there I was
Sitting stiff.
Stuck inside on moving wheels
Breathing,
Counting stars as fast as I can.
Miracles.
In the darkness of the night,
I let her beauty consume me,
I've lost me,
She knew me.
Feeling the hours rush by me,
Twilight zone.
Flooded with uncertainty,
But somehow I know
That where I am is where I'm supposed to be at that very moment,
Although I long for something more:
Drops of sweat beaded on my skin,
From a night of passion and sin.
Peaceful sleep, first in years,
Feeling right, and lacking all my devious fears.
But there I was
Sitting stiff.
Stuck inside on moving wheels
Breathing,
Counting stars as fast as I can.
Miracles.
Raindrops
Rain,
Raindrops gently falling on my face.
Smiling as I then turn my face to the sky, and throw my hands in the air.
Peace,
I found it in this moment, short and brief.
Humidity filled my lungs,
Engulfed in all I've been and done.
The rain, made me
Whole.
A realm I've missed, but knew existed.
Peace in nature, Mother Earth.
I needed it.
Raindrops gently falling on my face.
Smiling as I then turn my face to the sky, and throw my hands in the air.
Peace,
I found it in this moment, short and brief.
Humidity filled my lungs,
Engulfed in all I've been and done.
The rain, made me
Whole.
A realm I've missed, but knew existed.
Peace in nature, Mother Earth.
I needed it.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Sea Sick
And here we are again,
Caught in a realm of thick and thin.
Two, but one...
Separate, but somehow intertwined.
We're lost at sea again,
The compass, our oldest friend.
But stars guide us more than we want,
As we are drawn in by their beauty and light.
My dear we're lost at sea.
Surrounded by darkness,
Created by light.
Guided by a compass,
Following the stars.
I've lost my mind again,
More losing than I win.
I can't explain these waves,
It's all a whirling wind.
I'm out of breath from running,
So resting where I stand.
I let the waves engulf me,
Fighting within my soul.
But physically I'm drained, at best.
I'm learning to be Whole.
The waves they make me nauseous, for all I want is light.
The night consumes my olive skin,
Still putting up a fight.
Caught in a realm of thick and thin.
Two, but one...
Separate, but somehow intertwined.
We're lost at sea again,
The compass, our oldest friend.
But stars guide us more than we want,
As we are drawn in by their beauty and light.
My dear we're lost at sea.
Surrounded by darkness,
Created by light.
Guided by a compass,
Following the stars.
I've lost my mind again,
More losing than I win.
I can't explain these waves,
It's all a whirling wind.
I'm out of breath from running,
So resting where I stand.
I let the waves engulf me,
Fighting within my soul.
But physically I'm drained, at best.
I'm learning to be Whole.
The waves they make me nauseous, for all I want is light.
The night consumes my olive skin,
Still putting up a fight.
Sunday, August 16, 2015
My Daughter
I woke up, tears of joy.
Closing my eyes, to relive her beautiful face.
My daughter.
I was in my mid-late thirties,
Back to my blonde hair, in a summer dress.
I was looking for something.
I had toyed with the idea of adoption my whole life, and I figured I'd see what was out there.
I couldn't pick a child, a child had to pick me.
I arrived at an orphanage.
The head of the house was showing me babies and toddlers,
All adorable,
But none were "my child"
I saw a little girl sitting in a corner, quietly playing with a doll.
She was beautiful, she seems at peace.
Her locks of red hair fell around her face, the curls were perfect ringlets .
Her eyes were piercing blue, and she was kissed with freckles on her cheeks.
She was about 7 or 8.
I slowly walked over, as the woman proceeded to talk about the younger children.
"Are you waiting for new parents?"
I asked politely as I knelt down next to her.
Her eyes fixated on the doll, she replied,
"Just a mommy would be nice,"
I smiled,
"What about two mommies?"
She looked up at me with excitement, her eyes lit up like the Summer sky,
"Even better!"
My heart melted,
I woke up,
Tears of joy running down my face,
Nervous for the responsibility, anxious to meet her someday.
I truly think I just met my future daughter.
8/16/2015 roughly 8am
Closing my eyes, to relive her beautiful face.
My daughter.
I was in my mid-late thirties,
Back to my blonde hair, in a summer dress.
I was looking for something.
I had toyed with the idea of adoption my whole life, and I figured I'd see what was out there.
I couldn't pick a child, a child had to pick me.
I arrived at an orphanage.
The head of the house was showing me babies and toddlers,
All adorable,
But none were "my child"
I saw a little girl sitting in a corner, quietly playing with a doll.
She was beautiful, she seems at peace.
Her locks of red hair fell around her face, the curls were perfect ringlets .
Her eyes were piercing blue, and she was kissed with freckles on her cheeks.
She was about 7 or 8.
I slowly walked over, as the woman proceeded to talk about the younger children.
"Are you waiting for new parents?"
I asked politely as I knelt down next to her.
Her eyes fixated on the doll, she replied,
"Just a mommy would be nice,"
I smiled,
"What about two mommies?"
She looked up at me with excitement, her eyes lit up like the Summer sky,
"Even better!"
My heart melted,
I woke up,
Tears of joy running down my face,
Nervous for the responsibility, anxious to meet her someday.
I truly think I just met my future daughter.
8/16/2015 roughly 8am
Friday, August 14, 2015
Universe Love.
...and as the night sets in,
And the Sun, sets,
I look back on today and ponder:
"What was accomplished?"
"What could I learn?"
"What will tomorrow bring?"
I finish up my daily tasks: dishes, dying my hair,
Most importantly Meditating.
I feel blessed in all of this universe that surrounds me,
I feel blessed in all of the love that I've encountered in my short life.
I feel blessed by all of those that have shown me compassion and guidance.
I am truly Blessed.
I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,
and the only thing I fear is The Universe.
She guides me through my struggles, brings me light in times of darkness.
She has held me, encompassed me,
Embraced me- Flaws and all.
And the Sun, sets,
I look back on today and ponder:
"What was accomplished?"
"What could I learn?"
"What will tomorrow bring?"
I finish up my daily tasks: dishes, dying my hair,
Most importantly Meditating.
I feel blessed in all of this universe that surrounds me,
I feel blessed in all of the love that I've encountered in my short life.
I feel blessed by all of those that have shown me compassion and guidance.
I am truly Blessed.
I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,
and the only thing I fear is The Universe.
She guides me through my struggles, brings me light in times of darkness.
She has held me, encompassed me,
Embraced me- Flaws and all.
Pain.
Pounding,
Lights,
Sounds,
Engulf me
Pain,
Throbbing,
Silence,
Darkness,
Embrace me.
What is this pain,
Resounding in my head,
Making my body ache,
Ill, but curable? They say.
Perfect timing
Inexplicable,
Deranged.
I'm in pain.
Lights,
Sounds,
Engulf me
Pain,
Throbbing,
Silence,
Darkness,
Embrace me.
What is this pain,
Resounding in my head,
Making my body ache,
Ill, but curable? They say.
Perfect timing
Inexplicable,
Deranged.
I'm in pain.
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