Catalyst

 You're gone today,

For the first time in two weeks. 

The last two weeks has been hell- 

My anxiety has never seen such highs.

I've been in a constant state of what feels like survival. 

Unpredictable energy shifts, 

In my home.

A place that I'm supposed to feel calm, safe, and secure. 

Any time I'd leave, I'd feel a sense of relief. 

Any time I'd pull into the driveway, I had to sit in my car for thirty minutes or so, gathering the strength to head back inside. 

I never knew what I was walking into. 

Rage? Friendly banter? Lust filled eyes? Quips of remaining love? Accusatory words? Venomous low-blows? 

I felt as if I was walking blindfolded in a land mine, covered in soft moss. 

But today, I sang.

Today, I danced.

Today, I pushed through the sheer exhaustion - as my body's nervous system tries to re-regulate. 

I am safe.

I am loved.

I am in a space that is my home, that calms me, and that brings me joy.

The animals felt it too,

And how that breaks my heart. 

Today they slept, and played, and slept some more. Sweet babies.

I don't blame you for the pain- 

There is a lot to unpack, and you were never given the tools to do so in a loving, kind, way. 

But my body, my heart, and my soul- so desperately needed this rest. 

So, I thank the universe for today, and the next seven days. 

I hope to find the serenity that I need to take on this next chapter in life. 

I know in my heart that it is filled with adventure, romance, and intrigue. Let me fall in love with myself, all over again. 

The forever evolving catalyst, in the ever evolving abyss.