Manic Spending

I sat there,
Manic spending lately,
Not really expecting much out of it.
She told me to get comfortable, her eyes were dark, and piercing.
I adjusted my statute, and slowly inhaled, closed my eyes, "...Ok... I'm ready."
Her words dance lightly at first as I opened my soul, she dug deeper and deeper.
"You haven't been yourself lately, you're depressed, you're anxious..."
"You're distant"
" Somebody is being malicious"
"C"
This person is trying to hurt you, to curse you, is jealous.
"Was she recently part of a cult? Or something similar?"
Heart sunk.
"She is powerful, and jealous, and angry... Vengeful"
"She presents herself in light, peace, and love, but it is a façade."
"Has she asked to meet with you soon? I feel like she asked to see you in the near future...don't go."
Confused.
Bitter.
Frustrated.
True? False? Just another lousy psychic?
"Don't go. You need to heal."

"S... You saved each other, but you don't know it yet."

"W" your soulmate. Distant right now because of negative energy being sent your way, but meant to be.

"Anxiety..depression..."
"You need to start meditating again"
Just another manic spending trip .

All I See Is White

"Take these pills," they said.
"They'll make you happy," they said.
"The pain will disappear, and the skies will become clear."

Ingesting to accept, to embrace, it seems to mask, to take sanity's place.
I just want to wander into the night, let the darkness consume me,
Dance with my demons.

I want to skip, and spin under the moonlit sky, under Mars, and make Venus jealous.
I wanna run, until my legs collapse.

I was stricken with confusion once again, and why?
Why can't love be simple? Why can't life be eternal? Why can't experiences be open?

They can be.
But we choose to think too hard before acting, for fear or being punished,
Fear of repercussions.

But in reality, is what makes us happy in the moment worth it in the long run?
Will we look back on our death beds and wish we did something different?
I don't want to live my life like that.
I want to be regret free.
Honestly, I am at the moment- but will I continue to be?

I look for answers at the bottom of this bottle...
Pop
Pop
Pop

But all I see is White.

Wonder.

Sometimes I just close my eyes and wonder
I hold my own hand
Play with my own hair
Smell my own skin and imagine...
I focus on my breathing, trying to channel a foreign being.
Are we one at this moment?
I can only imagine, only wonder.
Have we ever been channeling at the same moment? Through the lifetimes, the dimensions?
Who were we to each other in a past life? Who will we be in a future one?

I'm afraid to find out now, but curious.

Inhaling my anxieties I am often torn,
Often distraught,
Often left to
Wonder.

Perfect But Scarred

She was the prettiest Hell I've ever been in,
I didn't mind burning at all.

She was Heaven sent, and fell far.
She was flawed, but flawless,
Perfectly scarred.

She was Hell on Earth,
But made in light of God.

She made me dance in sin,
But feel blessed and anointed.

She would be innocent, but evil.
She was breathtaking, but life-giving.

She made you feel alive and dead all at once.
She was unexplainably perfect.
She was my dreams and my nightmares...
My angels and my demons

She was loving,
But resentful.

She was perfect.
But Scarred.

Swayed Sleep

Tossing and turning and restlessness,
Connected at best.
Between the hours of one and six in the morning,
Strictly tossing and turning!

My mind it seems to travel,
So my body wants to walk...
She wants to dance, and twirl with passion-
But somehow she seems stuck.

It's dark outside and the only thing that lights the sky is the moon and stars.
She stares into the distance, on her roof,
I wonder where you are.

I want to dance and talk to you,
I know you're near but far...

Come dance with me, under the moon
Unlikely place to meet.

I can only think we're both awake,
And sway each other's sleep.

Shadow

Who are you, Shadow, lurking in my light
Dancing in the wind, dreaming in my night.
Who are you, Shadow?
Creeping in my soul, awakening the unknown, drenched in lust & love alone.
Where are you Shadow?
It seems you've disappeared,
As I have to you,
Year after year.
Where are you Shadow?
Do you hold me in my sleep, hug me when I weep... Sing to me in glee?
How are you Shadow?
Familiar, yet detached.
I see what appears to be in sight, but something surely lacks.
Emotion is hard to read, my friend, as all I see is black...
But you're surely cast by light and Me,
So please stay for a brief, moonlit, dance...
It takes the sun, her strong, warm, light
And my naked body here,
To entangle in the light of day, and disapate with fear.
She casts on me, and I see you, in more than one way,
We are one.
A reflection of my image, in a parallel world today

Escape - If Only.

I close my eyes and think of you,
Your pale skin,
Your green eyes,
Your warm embrace-
But I am alone in my bed.

I close my eyes and think of you,
let my fingers explore my body,
While you are at the forefront of my mind.

I'll escape for a bit,
Or try.
My best is all I can promise,
In my dreams, and in my mind.

What if only for one night we were under the stars,
On  a hill top,
Taking in the glorious lights of the city,
While our breathing drowns out its sounds.

You're with me.