Round & Round

So I stare at the empty bottle in my medicine cabinet,
Questioning if I need more or not.
I've felt clear minded for a month or two now,
And have seen beauty in all lately.
Is it the drugs,
Or my realm of consciousness?

I dream of reality before it happens,
But when you ask me of my future I claim I do not know.
You scare me, but you love me-
Which makes it hard to show,
The real, true me.

I've distanced for fear of hurting you,
Letting you down, more than I have.
For fear of losing myself in you,
You should probably know that.

I drown myself in euphoria,
And inhale its heavy air.
Suffocating in my shadows,
But getting lost in my light.

Life is never fair.
But when the time is right,
There is no doubt in my mind.
That peace will be found, love will be bound,
The world doesn't stop,
She continues to go 'round.

Begging

So pull the bottle from your lips,
I know it can be hard.
Trust me.
First hand, I know it can be hard.

Your lips stained red,
To match your eyes
From drying tears, of yesterday.
I love you anyway.

Trust me in what I say,
I know it might be hard.
I'm young, and learning
But have experienced so much,
In this short, fragile, and fickle life.

I see you getting better,
Although miles tear apart.
Spare me your sob stories,
I've heard them all.
Just let me love you for who you are.

I see myself in you,
But somehow backwards,
It's as if we swapped places.
Somewhere lost in time,
Our souls jumped bodies.

I was meant to be strong,
I'm trying my best.
I swear.
So love me no matter what.

I beg this of you.
Like you've begged it of me .

Let's never give up on each other.
I'm begging...
Please.

Imagine Simplicity

Sometimes silence is golden
And distance breeds love.

Imagine for a moment if we all took five minutes from our day to just Be.
Be in our simplist form.

The world would be still,
Yet turning.
A beautiful sight, it would be.

The fall breeze would whisper as she spoke,
The sun's rays would kiss us in her lust.
It would Be Incredible.


Imagine if we didn't hang on to our pasts,
Didn't focus on our future,
And just live in the moment.
Life would be simple.
I'm learning this simplicity.

Moon's Shine

The clouds parted as I laid on my roof
Shorts and a hoodie,
Goosebumps forming on my bare legs.
A breeze swept up under my Hoodie and graced my breasts.

I looked into the sky, and the moon was nearly in full shadow,
A red hue blanketed her.

I heard laughter from below,
And smelled the aroma of marijuana from the teens watching the eclipse on the sidewalk beneath me.

I smirked.
I was alone, but surrounded by the universe
I felt loved and cared for in this moment.
The universe has showed me nothing but love and compassion.

Although the sky was dark,
It would soon be illuminated in beautiful form.
I couldn't explain the tingling feeling that took over my physical being.
I felt connected.
For hours.

To the Moon.
And her beauty and love.

I Will Wait

I'll wait until the last second,
To see what she brings-
The clouds cover the sight I yearn to see.

Roughly thirty eight minutes and the moon should be
bleeding red, closer than ever,
Giving a show to those that love her.

The clouds skew my view.
I will wait.

I will wait patiently,
As I do now in life-
No longer searching for answers,
but knowing they'll find me.

I close my eyes, my toes are cold from the fall weather.
I love the chills she gives me.

The sound of the night is still,
I beg the universe to let me see the Moon tonight.
I want to dance in her glory, her rouge light.

I don't want to have to wait eighteen years
They say, in eighteen years she will reappear in her form.
But if I must,
Then patience I will instill.
Because I love the moon,
and I know eventually she will reveal herself.


She will wear a little red dress,
and we will fall in love.
I will wait.

If I have to.

Foggy Enlightenment

Why is society so hellbent,
On marriages and babies-
On retirement, when we all die
Eventually?

To live in peace, love,
And Joy
Is all I can hope for...
...pray for


I have been finding reason
In my confusion,
Clarity in a realm of fog.

I'm OK,
I always have been,
I always will be.
We all are. We all are light,
We all have strength, and love, and willpower.

I can't mull over never ending
Questions,
I refuse to get stuck in a circle,
They have no end.

But then again maybe...
No end is what Eternity is.
What it means to be,
Enlightened

To truly understand.

Who are we?

I often find solace,
Peace,
In my sacred place.

Secret,
Yet in the eyes of the
Judgemental Public.

Who are you to judge me?
My fair skin, my radiant, purple hair.

Who are you to judge me?
Because I'm thin,
And appear to not care.

Who are you to judge me,
For being in love,
For loving life,
For loving the universe?

Who are you to judge me?

I write, and I read,
That's how I define myself.
Words, sung or bleeding on blank pages.


Who are you to judge me for
My words of truth?
My aching heart?
My caring soul?

Who are you to judge me for the faults
I've flaunted,
While so neatly sweeping them under a dusty old rug?

Who are you to judge me for the places I go?
The people I meet?
The things I see?

These are my eyes.
My soul.
My heart.

Who are you to judge me?

Who am I to judge you?
From a surface level?
From hear-say and from what I've seen
through my tainted eyes?
Who am I to judge you?
Your story?
Your lies?

Who are we to judge?
We should just love.
Let the universe subside.

Wish You Well

I'm eager for the night,
For the tequila to drown my past and tomorrows.
A lesson learned, is what they are.
Never a regret,

But drowning them,
It lets me watch them gasp for sweet, pure, air.

Why are you here?
Doesn't the universe call your name?
Doesn't it pull you towards sweet serenity?

I close my eyes and whisper positive energies into the universe...
For you.
I really do wish you well.

A little Sara Bareilles

https://youtu.be/Pw4VVC5K9Yw

Dozing

As I lay her,
Phone actually on,
Normally not.

Silence surrounds me

I think, "Why?"
"Was that you?"
"What was the purpose?"

As I doze off into a deep sleep.
Only a few hours.

Late Night Drive

Last night I sat with her,
Staring into her dark, somber eyes.
"When is love not enough?" She asked.
I sat silent, my heart softened.
She was sincere but thought that her question was the answer.

"When is sacrificing your happiness enough? When is your sanity enough? Do you want to live your life... What is left of it, like this? You deserve to be happy. The happiest you can be, and this is not your potential."

She sat there quiet at first, "You're right."

"Let's go."
"Where?" She inquired.
"Anywhere." I whispered.

So that's exactly what we did.
She tried to justify, to make excuses, to reassure herself- but she wasn't fooling me.

I want to see her happy.
The way she is when she is Herself. Her True Self

I want her to chase the sunrise and sunset without second guessing. I want her to chase her dreams without feeling guilty. I want her to see the world, without feeling held back. She deserves the universe and more.

"What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?" I questioned
Her response negative.
"And the last thing you think of before you go to sleep?" I pressed
Negative.

I sat there with her as the cool fall breeze swept through the car.
I explained how she should be positive like I know she is. How she should surround herself with positive people.

I want her to be Her.

Be you.

Love YOURSELF.

Vraiment

I'm enamored by this journey,
Things seem clear today,
Yesterday they were vibrant after a rough start...

Where will it lead me?

Hopefully to the Truth.

Day One

It takes twenty one days to break a habit,
To break an addiction,
To break the crave of poison running through your veins.

You're going to feel worse before you feel better.
The shakes, tears, vomiting.

It takes twenty one days to mend a soul,
To strip the heart from beautiful addiction.
To not question happiness,
To learn eternal bliss.

A journey starts today, Day One.
Will I be able to overcome the most beautiful addiction yet?
Everybody has their vice.
I'm addicted to self destruction.

I might feel empty at first,
Lost, confused.
Battered, bruised...

But twenty one days isn't that long.
An Eternity, with an end.
Silence seals my broken ends.

Words flow, ink to paper.
Let it begin.

Neon Lights

Neon lights surround me,
Bass fills my bones. Lost in the music,
Peaceful as I sweat out the energies from today.
I bounce, twist, and lock to the beat.
It feels so good to fall into the trance of the techno and dubstep wavelengths.

I'll sweat until I drop,
Letting each crystal drop, slide down my moving body.
Nearly bare.

Shadowed Angel

Angel in the night,
Creeping behind the pale, moonlight.
Casting shadows on the ground-
Your silent screams,
Resound their sound.

What have I seen?
Tales of fickle beings.
Morning doves rest and sleep.
While your beauty and the night encompass me.

Shadows in the pale moonlight,
Fiery eyes, lurk in the night.

Shadows cast by reality,
Project a skewed image.
 Perception becomes confusing.
The truth becomes lost,
In our shadows.
And our shadows in the night,
Become our false reality.

Fifty Six Minutes

Here I am.
Laying in my bed,
Consumed by darkness.

Street lights creep in my tiny window, and cast shadows on my walls.
Two fans going to produce a symphony of white noise to help me sleep.

I've been asleep for four hours now,
But here I lay,
Wide awake.
In pain, but calm.

I self medicate,
Because let's be honest...
We live in America.
Land of the "brave" and prescription drugs.

My eyes are tired,
My body aches.
I let the ashes of yesterday dust me under the glow of the moon.

I feel my bare skin warming the cool bedsheet underneath my body.

Fifty Six minutes until I start my day.
Fifty six minutes of restlessness or deep sleep?
I'll let my body decide.

Just Going

Time stops,
I'm frozen in the warmth of a hot autumn sun.
Barefoot and laying my clothed body in the cool grass,
Wishing I was naked.

I sit here and think about my past life,
My future life,
I'd like to think they exist, for one life is too short.

A short breeze tricks me into thinking it'll stay,
It whispers "A journey is ahead."

I think of how far I can go,
How far I will push myself,
How lost my gypsy soul will allow me to get.

I smirk at the idea of just getting in my car, on a plane, or a train and just
Going.

I whisper to the cloudless, blue sky
"Let my sickness sink in"
For the past few weeks I'm sick of my skin.

Vulnerable I lay,
In a cemetery, in the company of the dead.
They dance around me,
I listen.

The wind picks up, and my time is nearly impossible to find and keep.
Slipping through my fingers.

I melt under the sun's enticing rays,
And let the universe consume me.

I might find myself at a castle today,
A fortress,
My place.

OK

Shaken,
Like vodka with ice.
I'm cold, and shaken.

Alone,
For twenty four days.
Roughly.

I bask in the sun,
Bittersweet.

I inhale the Earth's intentions.
I whisper to myself , "It's going to be OK"
I try to convince myself that darkness isn't sneaking up on me,
In the light of day.

The sky is clear,
It's a warm fall day.

It'll be OK.

Red Light

Stopped at a red light,
I glance over.
There is a field.
Open and welcoming
A forest behind it.

Fog blankets the ground, sheltering it from the creeping cold.
I smirk.
I long to dance in the fog,
Barefoot, as the sun rises.

I dream of feeling the dew on my bare skin,
The wet grass between my toes,
The kiss of the sun as she wakes up the world.

The light turns green.

Death of the Night

Staring off into the distance of the cotton candy sunrise,
Trying to make out the shadows of clouds and mountains.
They mesh together like dye on pure, white, cotton.

I smile as the sun creeps up on the morning. She has a mischevious way about her.
She lures the moon to it's death ,
A surrender and sacrifice so beautiful.

The sky fades from indigo to a pastel blue.
The change is inspiring.
Change that happens each day, but never mirrored by the day before.

Fairytales crowd my mind.
A gyspsy soul burning for flight and exploration.
I've seen so much, but so little.

The planning starts now.
Where will I end up?
Only the universe can guide me.

Paralyzed Dance

I close my eyes and hear a song in the distance,
Melodies and harmonies trigger memories
Leaving me,
Mesmerized.

A trance like state overcomes me,
I close my eyes.
Dressed in white lace, my feet begin to dance to a rhythm unknown.

I see a figure on the other side of the room,
She's dressed in black lace.
She tries to lure me by her movement,
But I'm paralyzed by her beauty.

Desolate Rain

Empty.
Emptiness fills the room with a breeze coming off the warm summer rain.
Surely this is the last kiss of summer.

Cooling the earth as she sweats,
From a night of passion and fear.
"There's nothing to be afraid of" whispers an angel to a confused child.
"Life is nothing more than a journey we are supposed to enjoy!"

I close my eyes and listen to the Angel comfort the confused,
The desolate.

"Take my hand" she assures the child that there's nothing to fear,
She should step outside in the storm.

They dance in the rain, under thunder
With only the glimmer of each lightning bolt. They are gypsies of the universe,
Born free.
Born wild.

The emptiness melts away.
And she realizes it's OK
To
Dance
In
The
Rain.

Seduction Persued.

It's not that I think there's a soul caring,
Eyes glancing,
A heart yearning.

It's that I believe in hope,
Peace,
And happiness
For all.

For us.
For you.
For me.

To desire an unattainable measure,
Is purely human nature.
Seduced by ideas, we fall weak,
Until we persue the Seduction ourselves.

Arms Reach

Sitting in the sun
Under her warmth,
Exuding her pressure and force.

I am paralyzed.
Her beauty surrounds me,
Her rays engulf me,
Her presence makes me joyous.

I sit and allow her to,
Freeze me,
For but a moment in time.

I whisper into the wind,
"Where are you?"
Arms reach, but so far.

I ask myself,
"How far is the moon?"
Would I really go there?
I just might .

Break The Silence

"What does silence mean to you?"
She asked, with a warm heart and open mind.
"Fear, loss, words left unsaid... Emotions unbread"

"Then why focus on the silence?"
I sat, pondered.

I would soon make noise, break the silence, see the world and wish upon stars. I would fly like a bird, through the clouds.
I would land in the arms of the universe.
I would sing and scream in joy.

I would
Break. The. Silence.

Whisping in the Wind

Can you hear me in the night?
Wide awake we lay.
The words escape my blood stained lips,
To find another way...
To tell you what you mean to me,
And why I've gone astray.
But words are merely whispers whisped up by the wind's forté.