Dark Day Dreaming

 The tears stung her cheeks,

As they slowly slid down.

She dreamt about a noose around her neck,

And the serenity it would bring her soul.

This world is too harsh for girls like her. 

Maybe then she could be just like her momma. She did always say she wanted to grow up to be just like her.

"They taste like salt" she thought for a moment.

Covered in bruises she had no recollection of getting, a cut on her thumb that she pushed because it hurt, and unable to catch her breath.

She dreamt of death often, alongside other timelines and lifetimes. 

If only somebody could tell her the best way to re-set her life, she would consider staying. 

She didn't do drugs, she barely drank... these were her sober thoughts. -

Does that make them scarier for the average person? 

Who fucking knows.

And who fucking cares. 

I Get It

 I get why you did it,

I get why she did it,

I get why she's wanted to do it.

I've wrestle the feelings, have quietly attempted twice, have even begged for God to take me in the night.

So, I get it. 

But most don't get it,

So that's why it happens- and that's why we bottle it up... until we can't take it, and then we break

snap, 

gone.

I often wonder if that's how I'll leave,

The same way my mother did.

It won't be for years, but I find myself oddly OK with it.

I just simply, get it.

They think that we're crazy, that we might be unhinged... but the reality is, our souls are too big for this shit.

This earth, this life, this shallow matrix. It's all games,

smoke

& mirrors.

Death doesn't scare me, if anything I'm intrigued. 

Her quiet and gentle hands, causing such confusion and devastation. 

Am I selfish for longing her to rip me from this world? Maybe.

But at the end of the day, my soul contract has been made. My life fades. My love remains.

So when I'm gone, just know that I'm always with you. I'm always just a whisper away. Remember my laugh, my loud and chaotic nature, my affinity for travel and animals. 

And if you get it, like I do... just know I'll stay with you until we meet again. 

And maybe one day, I'll feel like this thought is foreign- but for now it feels familiar and comfortable... even warm and welcoming. 

And for now... I'll continue to get it.

I won't hope that you regret it, because I fucking get it.

Dust

 It's always a slow return to dust.

We fake, we smile, we fuss.

Hollow laughs, and empty words, 

False promises, a must.

The Earth it turns,

The sun it burns,

And in the end, it all unfurls

Because ashes are what become of us.

We just return to dust.

Resurrection

 Resurrect me from this hell,

Bring me back to life-

Sun is shining,

Yet I still

Wallow in the night.

Craving blood, dirt and lust, 

Have the urge to fight.

Walking dead,

"It's me," she said

Twisting jagged knives.

All that I am

 All that I am

All that I need

All that I want,

Is you here with me, 

I know that I am,

A heartbroken fighter,

But here in your arms I want to go higher

So lay here with me,

Reject all you see

The moment we touch, 

There's nothing but we

And all that we are, is stardust and fire

So here in your arms I beg for the night 

Devil is a Woman

 What if, the Devil was a woman?

Her wrath would be with wicked love

Gripping your heart, until you're chokin'

Hell, is what you're made of.

Dancing barefoot underneath the moonlight,

Her spells are cast with grit and thorns

Harvesting the ego that you beg for,

Leaving you, wanting more.

What if the Devil was a woman?

Her beaming eyes look up above,

Her touch is that of violent oceans,

Her kisses, storms of mourning doves

Grace

 When it starts raining,

A smile hits my face

When I am dreamin'

I fall from my grace

I don't know how

I came here to this place

But what I know is

You give me grace

Rebel

 Here I am,  dancing with the devil

Screaming "I'm a fucking rebel" 

Smirks smeered with red lipstick,

Fresh tattoo, and begging you to hit it.

Shake my ass, the bass is taking over

Forget class, hot mess is what I go for

Here I am, dancing with the devil

Baby don't you know,

I'm a fucking rebel.

Angel of Death

 Flirting with the angel of death,

She's sexy as fuck.

I want to bite her neck, and kiss her inner thigh...

I want to watch her squirm, the way she makes me...

My back arches as her temptation overwhelms me.

I am on my knees, begging for her mercy.

Begging to be loved, fucked, and held.

It's a violent, toxic, addicting relationship we have.

She plays with my mind, and I want to crawl inside the hell she lives in. 

I want to make it my home.

Bruises and scrapes on my palms...

The taste of blood in my teeth.

A maniacal smirk, and urge to succumb to her wicked ways.

She laughs and spits in my face, but I like it... so I come back for more.

Time Bombs

 Am I losing my mind?

At night I feel crazy,

During the day, I crave the night. 

I count the stars as if they're ticking time bombs... seemingly aloof to the damage they might cause once they explode.

My slumber hasn't been deep for weeks now.

I talk to the shadows that dance and change on my walls throughout the night. At times, I swear they are spirits, both light and dark- 

But then I shrink back to a time, when I was a child, maybe 10 years old... seeing my dolls and figurines move in the night- but told it was just my imagination... a mere delusion. 

How many of our thoughts are rooted in delusion? Imagination? Confusion? 

Or... how many are actually our expanded reality, that we've suppressed to fit the status quo?

I can't help but to whisper to the moon, wildly... sharing my deepest secrets with her, a friend that has lasted me lifetimes. 

As she disappears, I'm left with the judgement of the sun. Beaming down on me, casting my depths into the light... forcibly. 

Awake, I count down the minutes until my next dream... hoping one day I'll get the courage to live fully in my truth. To love fully in my truth. To experience fully in my truth.

But for now... I will continue to count the stars... praying for one of them to explode, so I can truly come to terms with the fact that life is finite... at least this particular lifetime.

I want nothing more than to embrace the overwhelming amount of love,  that awaits me.

Let Me Hold You

 Let me hold you.

Let me hold you in your darkest moments,

When you can't catch your breath or see past your tears.  When your words fumble out of your lips, as you whisper all your fears... when your hands tremble; Let me hold you. 

Let me hold you.

Let me hold you in your light; when the sun shines on your face and you're present in the moment. When you feel a warm summer breeze, when your heart is still and full. Let me hold you.

Let me hold you.

Let me hold you when the stars come out to play, when the night sets in and clothes fall off. When vinyl records play, and lips are met with passion. When hips move rhythmically,  when bodies intertwine. Let me hold you.

Let me hold you.

Let me hold you in both ways familiar and new. When you experience something for the first time, or when excitement courses through your veins. When you've seen a sight you've never seen, share it with me; I'll share it with you. Let me hold you.

Let me hold you.

Would you hold me if I came to you with worries of my heart? If I spoke my deepest fears, and shared my darkest parts? Would you hold me?

Would you hold me?

Would you hold me close to you, as my toes sunk in the sand, as waves crashed at my feet or if I had the urge to dance? If I decided to write love letters in the sand, would you hold me? 

Would you hold me?

Would you hold me close, if we were left alone? As the world faded from our memories, and starlight kissed my collarbone? Your body against mine, a dance we truly know- would you hold me?

Would you hold me?

Would you hold me if I wanted to explore the world? See the places that you've seen, if I actively implored? Would you hold me?

Sunset Chaser

 She chased sunsets to dry her tears,

Calm her woes, still her fears.

The sun knew her, the moon loved her.

Broken pieces and all.

Cotton candy skies killed words that stung her, and prepped her for the night's embrace.

A sickness ignited, but she felt held.

She knew she wasn't in this alone, and for that she let the moon see her weep.

Crickets sang to her in the distance, the wind danced with the trees outside her window.

Lulled into a peaceful sleep, she slowly forgot the pain; hoping to wake up healed.

Tap In

 There is enough love inside of me,

To heal this world, ten times over. 

It is pure, it is welcoming, it is uncondtional. 

If only others could dive into the depths,

Of their soul-

Break free from their worldly addictions,

Tap into their purest energy-

We would all be free.

Within

 Dipping into a danger zone,

I've been cautioned,

But I can't let go. 

Playing with fire, is all that I know. 

Burned once, "I'm fine"

Burned twice, "I'm good"

Burned more than three times, makes me wish that I could...

Just shake you- wake you,

Destory the sorrow that breaks you.

But life laughs at my attemps,

Pricks my heart with pins & needles of care and desire. 

Painfully trying to swallow my lack of control.

 " Little girl, don't you know?

That I rule you. Bow down, as I fool you." 

The devil's laughter rings loud. 

But I suit up my armor,

Grab my Scandinavian sword,

Sing the song of the sirens-

And charge full force

Until,

I wake up.

I'm bound

To this human experience...

This life on earth. 

This hellscape we live in. 

And I'm a powerless human once again...

My ancestors quake at my thoughts

Knowing full well,

My power lies within.

Shards of Sand

 Here we are again,

This state of manic-depression that I'm in.

The mania tastes so sweet, that I continue to chase her high. 

Just when I thought my waves have stilled,

You come crashing in,

And I gladly take a deep breath, of the salty ocean air.

It's like I'm lost floating, 

The waves take me out further, 

Undertow currents break me down-

Knowing that it's dangerous, I close my eyes and let go. 

Here I am again,

Chasing the high of her words.

Chasing the high of her love.

Chasing the high within, that my body craves so much. 

Falling addicted again, it's the same song and dance- 

A familiar poison that I grasp-

Sliding through my fingers like sand,

But cutting like glass.

I watch and wince and wonder

Starry eyed - painted by the moonlight. 

Transporting to another realm.

The Well

 A hole,

Surrounded by dirt,

Rain pours down on me,

Mud clings to me, alongside my white t-shirt.

Look to the sky,

I'm sinking.

The space around me is rapidly filling with hurricane rain.

Violent thunder shatters the silence.

The ground beneath my feet feels like quick sand, as the ground above me grows further and further away.

At first I claw at the sides of the hole, fighting with mud, twigs, and stones...

Aching to make my way out-

But eventually...

I give up.

Just as those before me did.

The ones that were consumed by the storm.

"I can float, or swim" I think,

But then quickly realize my clothes are so heavy from the mud and rain... they are stuck to my chilled skin.

So heavy, moving only makes it worse.

I gaze up at the sky,

Raindrops falling on my face.

In this moment I can't decipher the rain from my tears... 

My vision a blur-

I think I see stars... maybe the moon.

Maybe tonight I'll become one of those stars...

Maybe my fight will end, and I'll come out brighter on the other side.

I can only hope as I gasp, my very last breath.

My Son

 I hear your voice,

For the first time- 

It is distant, but familiar-

You are with me.

Tears fall from my eyes,

You say "Mom, mom, mom- I'm OK. I'm right here."

I try to catch my breath,

"I know baby, I know." but the pain still lingers in this lifetime.

You've been with me before, and we will be together again.

Your voice, that of my son, has come to me in a different form this lifetime. I beg the universe to reunite me with you- sooner than later.

So surreal- 

Hearing your voice in my head- from another realm,

My human body cannot comprehend,

but my soul so deeply knows.

You are my baby boy, my green eyed love, the soul of my son.

Will we meet again in this lifetime? 

Or will I have to wait until the next? 

My soul longs to hold you in my arms, hold you close to my chest, watch your chest rise and fall while listening to your heartbeat.

You are with me.

You are a part of me.

You surround me in love and light.

I love you.

Your Eyes

 She has your eyes,

Eyes that I'll fiercely protect until my days come to an end.

Seas of blue, curiosity, and wonder.

Eyes of adventure and light.

She has your eyes,

Soft and gentle,

Eyes that want to see the best in people, 

Eyes that see goodness in evil, and beauty in pain. 

She has your eyes,

Eyes where I see family, friendship, and faith. 

I see you in her, 

I see the skies in your eyes, I see hope in your eyes, I see joy in your eyes. 

I see a painful journey, with a glorious rebirth - a rebirth that has allowed her to see you; purely, and in your glowing, magnetic field. 

God gave her your eyes,

So that she can see what love looks like, so she can find moments of clarity, so she can gaze into the face of adventure fearlessly and with confidence. 

God gave her your eyes so she can see with an open mind and an open heart. 

God gave her your eyes 🤍

Fine Sunday

 What a fine Sunday,

Drinking coffee like wine

Wonderin' if one day, you'll 

Maybe be mine

Twisted and teathered by the stories I love,

Cursing the heavens and the Man up above

What if maybe baby...

You can call me crazy

All this pressure made me

Fall from grace