New Day

We all suffer sometimes.
Today is a new day.
I embrace it.
I love.
I am loved.

Lesson in Anger

Stealing the light away from me,
I question why I stay.
I wonder if I am being used- more times than not now-a-days.
Nearly four years ago I was on cloud nine.
I had never felt so loved, so wonderful, so attended to...
I had found somebody so honest with me,
That accepted me for my flaws-
But now...
Now I question.
Is this a nightmare?
Is it my diagnosed depression?
One would say it's the chemical imbalance.
One might claim, I am delirious...
But now I am in darkness.

I see a light,
It's in my soul.
I fear the unknown- my fault.
I learn a lesson on containing, recognizing, acknowledging and dealing with Anger.
One of my hardest lessons, to date.
Thoughts that are buried away in the depths of my dark soul,
Tucked away in a corner,
Are coming to life.

Death doesn't seem so bad.
Anger- Just breathe through it.

Trying

It has been a trying few days,
But I am trying to stay sane.

I lay on my back, palms facing up, skin pressing against a hard floor with a thin mat in between.
A strong energy comes to me,
Takes my hand,
Hold on tight,
Begging me to come play in Wonderland for all of eternity.

I exhale,
I smile,
I know that time is molded by our intentions,
Molded by our love, our souls, and our desires

I end my day with a prayer
"Om Shanti Shanti Shanti, Om Peace Peace Peace"
I bow my head so that my mind and heart are closer to one another.

As my night comes to a close,
I open my mind,
Open my heart,
Open my soul-
To a realm I've traveled, but am still curious about,
To a realm where alternate realities become innate in our being.
I welcome the universe with whispers of joy.

I am still trying.

Lesson of Patience

I pull away,
A premonition comes true,
My tire light goes on, I pull into a large empty lot.
A hissing sound is loud from the passenger side of my car.
I ran over a nail, my tire is quickly deflating, and I am broke.
The past three days have been trying,
A friend distancing herself because of a "lover's" wishes,
A family member or two avoiding my calls,
Or so it seems,
The person I am in love with acting as if I am calling at an inconvenient time,
And a nearly stranger trying to claim part of my future relating to a passion of mine, coaching.

Nothing has seemed to go right this week.
A while ago I would've been angry.
Angry at myself, angry with the universe, screaming to the skies asking what I've done to deserve this,
But today...
Today is different.
Today I hear a voice whisper "This is a lesson"
The universe is trying to give me a lesson on patience.

I smile through the frustration, realizing that it could be worse.
Maybe I ran over a nail and got a flat tire so that I would miss a potential accident,
Maybe my calls were ignored to teach me how to handle discouraging moments on my own.
Maybe my friend has been distant so I can learn to appreciate peace, solitude, and have time to self reflect.
Maybe my love has been selfish so that I reflect on my own selfish tendencies.

Tomorrow I will rise early,
It has been a while,
I will head to the shop to get a new tire, then head straight to a local school, where I will substitute and feed my passion.
I will read in a park,
Spill my guts to another,
And teach once more at night,
Finally capping my day with mediation and yoga.

Knowing this is a lesson of patience is a step in the right direction,
Awakening the flame in my soul.
Learning to understand and be calm.
I will persist.
I will learn from all of this.

Seasons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A6TcsK80JA

Longer than normal.

Around 5:30pm
It sets in.
The worst, of the worst anxiety.
Something is wrong.
My heart races,
My body tingles,
Limbs go numb.
It must be linked,
To another.
I breathe,
Coming down
Is taking longer
Than normal.

Lesson of Stillness

For hours now I've thought of taking a blanket,
Laying under the newly born Spring night sky.
There is something comforting about Nature's embrace.
Silence fills my soul and my mind-
It is dangerous, yet inviting.

I am independent, but find myself needing something more.
This urge makes me feel 'needy' and I rebuke it.

My chest builds with anxiety as the hours pass through the night.
I find peace in the daylight, under the sun...
Under the largest flame we know of in our universe.

I feel as if my life is momentarily paused when I should be exceling.
My being craves a new lesson,
My soul searches for the lesson in being still.
Being still is something I've always struggled with.
I am a free spirit, floating with the waves of the ocean,
With the current of the wind.

Being still, my mind races more than ever.
And I wish it would slow down.
Like it does,
When I'm dancing,
Barefoot,
In the sunshine.