Between the lines

Where are you now that I need you?
Why have I pushed and punished you...
Myself...
For years?

Understanding is a gorgeous trait.
One that you are so beautifully dressed in,
So delicately balancing,
And so willingly giving.

I sit on a curb,
Cold cement pressed against my pelvic bones,
Elbows on my knees,
Staring at this tiny, shattered screen.

The sun is kissing me while I exhale negativity,
My leather jacket and leather combat boots capturing the heat as if the sun were going on vacation.
I focus on my deep breathing,
Deep,
Hollow,
Strong,
Yet gentle.

I will live for me,
For others have time and time again taken advantage of my kindness.
I can be cruel, I can be fierce,
But overall I am loving.
Too loving.
I love all things, all people, all beings...
To fault.

I lie with this façade,
A jester at my own masquerade ball.
Dancing, twirling, and never removing the mask,
For fear of breaking the mystique.

Half tempted to walk,
Find my way,
Head back home a few hours early.
That would only seal my fate in this chapter...
A chapter I am unsure of the outcome.

The more I love,
The more I live,
The more I breathe,
The more I welcome the next book,
The next lifetime.

Two nights ago I came near death,
I nearly accepted it,
But something pulled me out.
My time here is not done quite yet,
But it will be in a short time.

My heart pounds,
The wind blows,
I am stuck,
Between the lines.

Born with a Curse

A pit in my stomach begins to form,
As words replay across my eyelids.
Words I've read for years ,
Words I've heard,
Words I've spoken...
Words I've kept tucked away in a beautiful little locket in the corner of my cluttered mind.

My heart begins to ache,
I fear the inevitable,
But it is what I deserve.

I was born into the life of a succubus.
Draining people's lives, from the love and passion they willingly give.
I was born with a curse,
Eyes set to kill,
A heart set to steal.

I dance with my memories,
Sing with my demons,
Make love to my hopes and dreams...
While accidentally, but knowingly stripping the comfort and confidence of another.

I will always whisper to the wind,
I will always look to the stars and fall in love with the winter moon.
I will always be one with the earth, and fall into her freeingly, warm embrace.

For connections cannot be broken,
They can only be pushed aside.
And I've accepted our demise.

Butterfly Wings

Sunshine creeps through my window,
A tiny window of two,
In a finished attic, as my bedroom.
The closer to the heavens I am when I sleep,
The more at peace my soul becomes.

My eyes are heavy,
But my soul is light.
Music reigns from my depths,
My feet hurt from dancing in my dreams!

I feel my lungs expand.
Only a few weeks until Spring is in her fullest.
Only a few months until I journey afar.
Only a few years left in this somber life,
I crave the journey to my next one.

For the most part I am joyous.
Traveling, discovering, loving.
Nights like last night, I am pulled closer to my demons,
Pulled closer to hell,
Pulled closer to my learned evils.

Falling from grace was my mistake,
I didn't always use to be this way,
Once I had wings like an angel.
Until one, ripped them off.
Like the wings of a vulnerable butterfly.
I have forgiven that devil of my past,
Though I fear I've become the devil of my present.

A beautifully dressed devil in lace.
My poisonous taste, so sweet.

But here I lay,
The sun warming my feet on my bed,
A nearly spring breeze kissing my cheek.
My soul searching in conflict,
The universe's purgatory.

Lying Passion

A quiet humming soothes my soul.
My body speaks volumes,
Yet I wrongly suppress its urges.

Creating a natural high off of meditation and channeling.
Embracing all of what surrounds me.
Positive energy struggles to surface,
But I keep trying to coax it from the depths of my inner hell.

What am I doing wrong?
I reflect on my past months and only one things continues to spark in my mind.
The same thing that has continued to haunt me for years.
Why rid of a beautiful disaster?

I yearn to see the sunset over rocky, red clay mountains.
I yearn to warmth of swimming in a natural spring.
I crave the sand between my toes,
And salty air in my lungs.

In my parallel universe I am there.
In my fictitious land.
Of only sunshine and warmth,
Fireflies and dancing,
Music and Muse.

Come embrace me sweet temptation,
For my passion lies in you.

Searching for Certainty

I sit at a desk made of glass,
Transparent, yet reflective.
Rays push through the clouds with struggle,
and light appears.

Artificial warmth penetrates my clothing,
I am wrapped in soft, loose, cotton.

The skyline before me is comprised of rooftops and branches.
A single mountain in the distance with a parallel top.
They seem to be frozen still,
begging that Spring comes soon.
So that life can restart,
 so that harmony can be sung.

Shadows dancing in the vague sunlight,
I've pushed off my travel, for uncertainty strikes.
But uncertainty always seems to be certain.
So I will search the skies today,
For an answer,
A destination, and a
Date.

To sip coffee in the warmth,
To bask in the sunlight,
Surrounded by clay mountains,
and the good company of the universe.

Lavender Pain

So, I'm falling again.
Addicted to the pain, and
the pleasure of the pain.
So delicate and intricate.
I often find my addictions
dancing in the moonlight together
Bones and Medication
I date them to acknowledge it.
Never have, Never will
They think of attention, when
in reality disease strikes.

I crave youth and beauty,
while chasing adventure.
I want to fly, and be as light as a feather.
Drifting in the wind.

Following the wisping of the tangerine clouds.
Floating in the lavender clouds.
Dancing in the fiery sunrise,
And making love in the jaded sunset.

Meet me in Haites with my demons,
and hold me in purgatory where the
warmth meets the bitter cold.

Contrast

The way the cold air surrounds my naked skin,
The way the warmth of this fire burns within,
The light that brings me to darker places,
I always wonder if I've made it.

The blue skies that dance with gray,
The summer rain that fades away...
I always wonder if you'd stay.
Some days I make my dying fate.

The way the grass peeks through the snow,
The way spring ends and summer flows.
The sand gets swept up by the waves,
But salty waters seem to place
It back on shore where she belongs,
This is my contrast, summer song.

The way the undertow pulls you in,
But spits you back to Earth again.
The stars they shine, mid summer's day.
I find myself just wondering,
If you would stay.

To Hell and Back

I've lost touch momentarily,
But I find myself rediscovering my spirit much more easily.
It is like a mini vacation to the depths of hell when I lose touch,
But when I rediscover it's like a vast paradise of sunshine and exotic sights.

I crawl out of hell, hands bleeding from the journey,
To feel beautifully numb in the presence of the Eternal.

I mask my journies in the present,
For they are my past...
A simple lesson, beautifully jaded.

I inquire about the seasons to a hummingbird.
She seems as of she is back north far too soon.
She tells me that where she went, she saw sights of mystery and intrigue.
She urges me to go there,
But with caution.
I accept her words,
Only a few more months until I break free,
Yet again.

Love Her

I find comfort in the whisper of the warming Spring wind.
She teases me while tempting me to travel tremendously.
I can only close my eyes and allow her to have her way with my bare skin.
She graces my skin,
Gently touching me,
My skin produces goosebumps.

She is calling me by the moonlight,
A warning strikes through the night sky.
Pulling in two directions.
Always.

I promise to one, the eternity of a connection
I promise myself the eternal life of reincarnation
I promise the pixies in the forest that I will dance.

Dance with the gnomes,
Dance with the fairies.
Dance with the wild being of the universe.

I open my eyes,
Laying on these warm sheets,
While the cool, nearly Spring breeze kisses me.
I am here.
I am now.
I am the universe.
And I love her.