Forever&Always

My heart aches,
the pain is unbearable.
Am I doing the right thing? Or allowing the one I am meant to spend my life with pass me by?
I love her with all of my heart, I am still in love with her,
but have lost some of it along the way.
Is it my fault?
Of course- partially.
Is it hers? I would never want to blame her,
although she thinks I do.
I am not quite sure who's fault this mess of love is.
It is quite possible that it is neither,
it could just be the crossings of the stars.
I know for a fact that she is meant to be in my life Forever;
but what that Forever may be, is becoming more and more unclear.
If I could whisk her away from this place, I Would in a heart beat.
I would make her pack her bags, and leave this all behind with me.
I would hold her every night with a smile on my face, and whisper to her while she is dreaming...
Like I have done every night for three years.
I feel like she doesn't realize that I would give her the universe if I could -
that I want to do well in school so that we could have a life together, full of adventure and pleasure.
But,
here we are.
Fighting.
Endless fighting and torn apart agony.
I want to see her smile for REAL again.
I want to hear her precious laugh and see her emerald eyes sparkle in the sunlight,
while freckles appear on her sun-kissed cheeks.
She is so beautiful to me.
She will always be so damn beautiful to me,
and most of all she will always be my beautiful girl- no matter where the roads take us.
She is so perfect in the most imperfect ways.
Am I really asking for more?
Or am I scared?
Are we too young?
Do we just need time?
Mending is a process that will either naturally happen or naturally not.
But either way, she is my constant.
She has been there for me through thick and thin,
defended me when I needed it,
protected me from what she could,
held me when I cried...
Watched me struggle when my parents split,
Watched me lose my father to another woman.
Watched me deal with my mom when she threatened suicide,
and held me when I cried over songs that reminded me of me and my father when I was a little girl.
I am lost without her,
but lost with her.
I can't function or breathe right now,
and I think of my past.
I am so damn scared of my future.
I'm not sure what it holds,
but I can only hope for the best.
I can only pray for happiness,
and seek out the dreams I hold true to.

There won't be a night that goes by that I don't whisper "I love you, forever and always."
For I will.
Forever and Always.