If I'm Being Honest

 She is creeping over my shoulder,

Whispering sweet nothings of control, 

While I know I lose it with her.

Lose it all.

But she provides the most beautiful facade of control. 

So delicately perched on my shoulder, 

Her shrill voice sends shivers up and down my spine. 

She is disgustingly gorgeous. 

Frail.

Gripping onto my bones, 

I feel each of them... she holds tighter.

"Remember me?"

Tomorrow's Fallen Promise

 The wind whispers her sweet nothings, 

Like lies escaping drunken lips, 

When promises of tomorrow stumble,

Instead of skip.

Unlucky

 How lucky one must be,

To feel that everlasting feeling,

Without a fleeting moment of doubt,
Fully confident, immersed, and healing.

How lucky one must be,
To feel stillness fill their soul,
To feel comfort in societal norms
And believe all that they're told.

How lucky one must be,
To not suffer from inner wars,
To never question what they're taught.
To feel so bold, and sure.

To only see stars with names,
While others, they've forgot.
How lucky one must be tonight,
To never lose a thought.

How lucky one must be,
In ignorance and bliss.
To feel alive, not dead inside
More than just when they kiss.

How lucky one must be.

Waiting

 You wait until nobody's home,

To take off the clothes you put on, your outfit of the day...

To unhook your bra, throw on your favorite sweats, and crawl back into bed.

Sure, your makeup is done.

Your hair, looks perfect,

But the universe feels so undeniably consuming and weighted. 

Your weighted blanket is not enough today,

Your mascara starts to run, as your eyes well with tears that nobody sees...

That you don't want anybody to see.

Which is why you always wait...

You silence your phone, the way you wish you could silence your mind-

Though, that loud-mouthed bitch won't seem to shut up. 

You set an alarm, to give yourself just enough time to put your outfit back on, and reapply some concealer and mascara. 

Can't let anyone know that you've spent the last three hours in bed, gripping your chest, and gasping for air.

You try so hard to just smile, to find the light amidst the darkness that swallows you in waves. 

It is easy to find the voice of reason, the meaning of life, and silver linings when others are in need - 

But when you are drowning, those ideas seem like distant bubbles of air, slowly floating further and further away from your lips, to the water's surface before they burst.

So you wait even longer.

You try to hide all that is inside, though the little girl in your soul screams and begs to be heard... to be loved, unconditionally. 

There is so much that she used to believe in,

But now, she too, keeps waiting.

Caged Butterflies

 

And the butterflies in my chest, frantically fly back and forth in their prison of a rib cage.
Trying to break free, but each breath and heartbeat keeps them chained.
They are desperate for peace.
Their wings are tattered from fighting the palpitations
"How much longer?" they cry

Truth Be Told

 Truth be told,

I don't want to do this alone.

I can't imagine my life without you.

But here I am,

Laying in the wake of my uncertainty.

I find myself giving my all to you again,

And it feels so good, 

You feel like home. 

Truth be told,

I'm terrified you will love life even more without me,

When you are the one who taught me truly how to live...

And truth be told,

The only life I want to start over, 

Is a life with you.

Truth be told, 

There is nobody else I'd rather spend forever with, than you,

And truth be told,

I'm willing to work harder, the way we deserve to have been worked on for so long...

Truth be told, I see you working hard on yourself, and it makes me fall in love with you all over again.

I am so proud of you for trying to discover yourself, and work through your traumas.

Truth be told,

I never have, and never will stop loving you;

Regardless of what tomorrow brings. 

Balance

 and all was flowing the way it should.

Up, down.

High, low,

In, out.

Light, darkness.

She felt balance.

She felt control.

She felt patience.

She felt grace.

Smothered Lies

 Is it lonely in the depths of lies you spin? 

Or do you feed upon the hearts you win?
Until their eyes, veiled, uncovered.
Your poisoned breath,
Leaves no more, smothered.
You're caught, and sunken in a daze.
And fear the lonesome, sans shifting ways.

Suffocate

 And she was broken.

That's what made her insecure.

All those times others did her wrong.

She didn't know how to allocate that energy. 

She was stuck, lashing out in her own world. 

But it only made her world cave in...

When would her wounds suffocate her?

When would it all end?

Who Holds Me Now?

 Who cradles me to sleep now? 

Who holds me and gently rocks me, as my anxiety consumes me?

Is it the distant stars?

Is it the friendly moon?

Or maybe the demon that follows me around and lurks in the shadows? 

All I know, is that their grip is empty. 

The way they hold me feels as if I'm in a glass shell...

Empty, fragile, and exposed.

Privacy

 All I crave is a fucking moment of privacy,

Inside my head, inside my heart, inside my damn notebook. 

A moment where I can express, write, rage, rethink, rewind, and create. 

But... no.

You steal that from me.

Violently.

Your words cut like swords as if you even know what you're talking about. 

So keep talking.

Keep cutting.

Keep digging...

I'll be six feet from hell, before you realize I'm gone.

Eye of The Storm

 A world burning around me.

Both physically and spiritually.

The sight of endings, and damage.

Chaos whirls its winds and shakes my foundation. 

But I find this sense of peace...

I notice that amidst the chaos,

You are the eye of the storm.

Harvest

 She was tired.

Eyes heavy as she tried to dissect her thoughts.

The sun was raging, and the moon was kind.

She danced and twirled, trying to find her balance,

But often falling short.

The days and nights were equal now,

As the fall moon rises, and sets in the autumn chill. 

The stars laughed at her struggle,

But the dirt between her toes tried to teach her that she could grow.

And she did.

Night after night,

Day after day,

Moment after moment. 

Newness on the horizon. 

Kindly With Strength

 Feeling negativity in my soul,

Something I need to work on.

Woke up and had a wonderful day.

Yet, slighted by irritation tonight. 

But why?

I must look inward.

As within, so without.

I will light a candle,

Create a mantra,

And let the night wash over me...

Kindly...

With strength.

Dark Mania

 Let me throw my cash away,

Have sex with strangers,

Drink cabernet.

Wipe my tears with diamond lace,

And fuck shit up,

Fuck saving face.

I'll jump from out an airplane,

And scream in streets, Lord's name in vain.

And punch a wall,

And scrape my face.

And laugh because, I've lost my grace.

I'll move to Vegas,

And wreck my name.

To chase the high,

Of playing games.

I've clearly lost,

My sanity.

So save yourself,

And hide from me.

Eyes

 Green Eyes- emerald breathing life into stillness

Blue Eyes- cascading like waterfalls into your soul

Brown Eyes- mysterious and dark, but inviting 

Hazel Eyes- shapshifting and engaging with their playful ways

The colors they swirl, and intrigue me. Each a different story to tell, a different soul to feel and experience. 

You eyes, my eyes, their eyes, his eyes, her eyes...

So cryptic. 

I just read the stories through the eyes, and write them down. 

These stories are not my own,

Yet we are all so intertwined- that maybe they become mine?

Kaleidoscopic Storm

 You.

There is just something about you that stirs a fire within my soul. 

You're in my passenger seat, and you are lost in the music.

And I am lost in you, my muse.

It is raining, but you don't seem to notice quite yet.

Your eyes glisten with the reflection of the wet road ahead of us,

You probably think the thunder is the sound of the bass.

And I can't help but smile. 

I pull into a desolate parking lot,

Turn off the car, and the windows quickly fog. 

"It's raining," you finally notice.

As I get out of the car, you fix your red lipstick, and I let you

Even though I know, it won't be there for long

Opening your door, I offer you my hand. 

Lightning sparks across the sky,

And we both feel it jolt through our bodies as we touch. 

Your hair slowly begins to stick to your face, 

The raindrops not caring where they land.

Your tight, cropped beater and high waisted black jeans become speckled.

I push you against the wet car, for a playful kiss, knowing damn well, that your ass will get wet.

You gasp, then let out a laugh,

"It's on…"

I begin to run, splashing in the puddles,

Mud slowly kicking up onto the back of my calves. 

The skies grow slightly darker, and the clouds begin to look heavier. 

I feel your hand on my wrist, as you spin me around. 

This time, we are both drenched as our lips meet.

A storm not only brews outside, but within my soul.

Words get lost in the gusts of wind,

But our bodies follow the movements and songs of the storm. 

You follow me down a path,

Overgrown, yet beautiful. 

The flowers seem alive and happy to see us, in our state of pure bliss.

The leaves, a bright green.

We make our way to a wooden bridge.

The wood, a much darker brown than it probably was a few hours ago.

My eyes, a greenish blue, catch yours. You capture my gaze, and I can't help but to shy away. 

You make me nervous in the most beautiful of ways. 

I am drenched in raindrops,

Each a different size, a different color, a different density.

I try to count them as they land on my skin, but lose track upwards of 333.

My eyes shut tightly as I turn my face to the dark, and angry sky. 

She rages, but I find peace in her thunder.

The only sounds I hear are the pounding in my chest,

Mixed with the sounds of the pouring rain and your breath.

I am lost in its steady tempo,

A song I haven't heard yet.

Tilting my head back down, I open my eyes.

In front of me is a creek, swirling with blues and greens.

The raindrops dance on top of the water,

Merging into her body, and becoming part of her being.

To my right there is a waterfall. 

To my left, you.

I notice the summer sun has delicately painted freckles on your cheeks and shoulders. 

By now I can't differentiate between the sounds of the rain and the roar of the falls.

The pounding in my chest grows louder and stronger.

My white shirt clings to my skin like paint.

My nipples peeking through.

Pink.

My curly hair is drenched,

Dripping,

And I find myself closing my eyes and turning my sun kissed face back to the sky,

Painted navy and gray.

Slowly, I start to take my shirt off,

Throwing it on the ground, careless of the mud that now surrounds us.

You throw a smirk my way and do the same. 

Your red lipstick is now gone from my kiss and the rain, leaving your lips a flushed rose.

I slip out of my skirt, and hang it on a nearby tree branch.

You follow my lead.

Before I know it my toes are at the water's edge,

I grab your hand to guide you in,

And I am lost in the beauty of the moment.

To be here with you, is truly breathtaking.

I wade into the water,

Warmer than I had anticipated, from the summer storm.

Inhaling deep, I hold my breath.

Submerged I become.

The sound of the rain and the song of the waterfall echos so different from under here.

It's much more quiet,

But equally as intriguing and peaceful.

While my eyes are closed I see and feel the deepest of indigo, while blood pulses through my veins. 

I hold my breath until I feel faint.

Popping back to the surface, I gasp for air.

My lungs sting, but I smile.

My cheeks red.

There you are,

A sense of wonderment in your eyes. 

Those beautiful, brown eyes.

You perch yourself on a large rock and call me over to sit next to you. 

Our bodies bare, you ask me,

"Have you ever tasted the rain?" 

Of course I have, but not like this.

Not with you. 

You place one hand gently over my eyes, while taking the other one and gently tilting my chin towards the giving clouds. 

"Open," you whisper. 

So I do.

"What colors do you taste?" 

And I can't help but be engulfed in those words. Imagining the flavor of each raindrop as a color.

"Lavender… Lilac…Orange"

I can feel your smile emanating from you,

Even though my eyes remain closed.

I slide back into the warmth of the water,

Opening my eyes,

The rain is slowing down now, and the storm has seemingly passed.

I let the running water wash past my naked skin,

I feel fully encompassed and one with the universe in this moment.

The clementine skies open up.

A rainbow emerges.

The bluebirds chirp, and the blackbirds dance.

The beautiful chaos, turns to a moment of stillness. 

I pull you close,

And I suddenly see all the colors this kaleidoscopic storm has given me.

Endless Words

 Bring me to the edge of the Earth,

Let me taste her salty kiss. 

Let her wind run through my hair,

Like lovers or a tryst.

Let her sand give me support, 

As it sinks beneath my toes.

Let this moment bring me peace,

And many more of those. 

Her laughter in the crash of waves,

Upon the welcome shore.

A smile graces my sun kissed face,

As I'm left with wanting more 

What I Would Give

 Hey mom,

It's me... 

Remember me? 

Your daughter.

The one whom you gave your body to, as a safe haven for 9 months? 

The one you'd rock to sleep, even when you didn't have any? 

The one you coached cheer teams for, volunteered at the library for...

You even made me a birthday poster in middle school to put on the cafeteria door... because I was bullied, and you didn't want me to feel left out. 

You used to hold me while I cried, and wipe away my tears. 

You constantly reminded me of my worth... so mom... please remember I'm right here. 

Do you remember the time I came home crying because a girl was mean to me. You brought me right back out the door, and told me to get into the passenger seat. 

You drove by her house, rolled down my window, laid on your horn, and told me to moon them, while you gave her and her mom the finger... 

In that ridiculous moment, I knew you always had my back. I laughed. 

Remember the days of hooky? Where we'd get lunch, and get our nails done? 

I loved those... the way you used to look at me, made me feel so safe and loved. 

During college, things slowly started to go south. You lost your way, and that's OK,

Words like blades, flow out your mouth. 

And here, and there, I'd see some rays. 

Your laughter, gave me hope. 

It's been ten years, and there's something you should know. 

I'm scared mom, and I have been,

Each and every day. 

I worry every moment, that God will soon take you away. 

I bite my lip, to stop its quivers,

And toughen up my face. 

But in all reality, mom...

I'd give anything to take your place. 

I need you now more than ever, and I've tried to let you know. 

But addiction leaves you clouded, but just know, I'm never letting go. 

I hope someday, you come my way 

Your light shining oh so bright...

That light I miss, and strive to be.

I won't give up the fight. 

A Daughter's Love

 Today I smiled,

Even though I hurt. 

Even though the weight of the world felt unbearable, because my pain and my burdens are my own to bear.

Even when the butterflies in my chest felt like they were made of shards of glass... 

Today the sun shined,

And the world kept turning...

Imagine that. 

So I danced like a fool, and sang at the top of my lungs... just to soothe what I could. 

Today I spoke words to friends, only to hear them echo back. 

As if I was singing a song in a canyon, lost, and only hearing my voice...

Giving me a false sense of guidance.

Tonight I lay,

Under the stars, the full moon, the warm desert sky. And I pray...

To God, Goddess, and the Universe... simply to protect you. Because a daughter's love never dies. 

What Is This

 Is this the end? 

Is this the beginning?

Or is this simply a change of direction?

A Wild Turn

 Well fuck,

I laid down on my bed, and put on some headphones with the intention of meditating... and creating magic. 

When I meditate, I listen to my body and her cues, as she speaks what my soul needs to feel. 

As the binaurl beats play, my body relaxes. Releasing the stresses of the week so far. 

Eyes closed, I find my soul traveling to a dimly lit room. I walk in, as I hear your voice calling mine.

I can barely see your silhouette.

The light of a candle flickers behind you, and my eyes trace your body, from your beautiful high cheek bones, down to the outline of your shoulders, down the curves of your beautiful hips. 

You extend a hand to me. I take yours in mine. You pull me close. Your naked body presses against my slightly clothed body.

I wear just an oversized tee.

You pivote us jointly, pushing me against a wall, as if you are trying to tell me that you want me. 

You kiss me, passionately, letting go of any fear or doubt you have in the moment... because it feels too right, to deny. 

I kiss you back, surprised at your dominance, as I can tell at times you yearn to be submissive... but for now, you take the reigns.

You grab my hips and pull me to a bed. Turning us around, you push me to my back. The bed is soft, as it embraces my fall. 

You climb on top of me... straddling me.

Your body presses into my hips exciting me. 

I can feel how turned on you are. You have me here... pinned... yours to do as you please. You lean in, and bite my lip gently. 

When you pull back, I see that smirk of yours. You are certainly not shy in this moment. 

You work your way between my legs. Tracing the insides of my thighs with your fingers, and teasing me with your mouth.

My body is yours in this moment. No reservations, no holding back. 

Electricity runs rampant through us both, and I can't help but arch my back in pure pleasure. 

You take care, and attention. You listen to my body. It becomes a somewhat spiritual experience. 

I suppose after all... orgasm can transcend us into the most beautiful ecstasy. 

So... here I am. Thankful for the route my body and soul took during this meditation. Pure bliss.

Softer Than Last

 May tonight be softer than last. 

May you honor your mind, body, and soul, while the stars and the moon cradle you in their delicate light.

Your strength is there, whether apparent or not. 

You are not alone.

Yet, you hold an incredible amount of strength and power within your soul. 

I know you feel it. 

Sometimes that strength might scare you. It embodies your ability to say no, your ability to set boundaries and your ability to walk away from all that does not serve you. 

That alone, can be terrifying. 

We are so wrapped in our comfort, than beautiful, newness, can seem overwhelming.  

But for just one moment, remember the last time you let go of fear.

That moment you let go of expectations,  and doubt...

In that moment, you felt pure bliss... pure freedom, didn't you? 

To Exist Between Dreams & Reality

 You.

You are so captivating,  

So engaging,

So inviting, 

And accepting. 

I feel you here,

But you are there.

And in my core,

I know you feel me too.

Our dreams are synced,

Another realm, we fall into.

Anxiously awaiting the moonlight by day,

And passionately gripping onto the stars by night.

Living between dreams & reality,

Yet... let's be real.

Slowly merging the two.

Italian Moon

 Meet me on the rooftop bar,

Under the Italian moon.

Let's stumble after whiskey kisses, to our hotel room.

I wonder...

 I wonder if you're spun up in thoughts, desires, daydreams and emotions

The way I am.

Do you get so lost, that you find yourself smiling for no reason? 

Do you ever just catch yourself in a blissful daze, only to be shaken by reality? 

Do you ever... wonder?

Full

 I guess I just want to feel full.

Full of life.

Full of love.

Full of passion.

Full of experience.

Full of adventure. 

Just full.

Much more full than I feel now...

In this moment. 

Mercilessly

I feel you,
My demon.
You're new,
Yet old.

You weigh on me,
Like poison,
And hold me down,
Paralyzing my body and soul.

Your hand,
Viciously enters my chest.
You aren't the slightest bit kind about it.

You grab my heart,
My core,
And squeeze, twist, and damage...
Mercilessly.

Shadows On The Wall

Alone,
A candle flickers across from me.
I watch the flame dance,
As she casts shadows on the wall.
She is a slave to the wick,
Yet she dances with a mind of her own.
No song- just the sounds of the silent night.

I close my eyes and I listen
My chest rises and falls with purpose.
I glance to my right,
A tree, so green, reminds me of home.
Funny though-
I've never felted attached to one place,
Like the flame to the wick,
Rather, I am the smoke.

I Rise.

La Tortura

She sings a Siren's song,
Whimsical and alluring.
Her eyes draw you in,
Promising and teasing.

She dances in the nights,
Her body taken by the moon.
La Tortura is her name,
A Lilith in the night.

Her light and darkness tango,
As she whispers, what seems to be your name.
Her hunger fed by power,
Insecurities shielded by fame.

La Tortura pulls you in,
As your voice begins to tremble,
Her touch sends chills right down your spine,
Her kiss, dangerous and addicting.
Your smile leaves emotions dissembled.

Lost at Sea

Sometimes I wonder,
If you remember what it's like,
To get lost in my love.

I feel like for years,
You've been lost at sea.

You're so worried about keeping your ship a float,
That you forget to enjoy the red sky at night,
The endless waves, and birds take flight.

For just a moment,
Close your eyes,
Let the salty kisses of the ocean brush your face,
Let the wild wind tussle your hair...

Get lost with me,
In my love,
Like we used to each night

Maybe, Just Maybe

Sometimes I wonder
If you lay awake and think of me...
If you simply stare at your ceiling at 3am with a half peeked smile,
Thoughts racing as you play memories,
And create fantasies.

Tempted to grab your notebook and write out all the things you're dreaming of...
But both too tired to move,
And also wanting to simply hang on to the pure thoughts...

Your playful imagination running wild.

And maybe,
Just maybe...
I'm laying awake, at 3am
Thinking of you too.

stolen kisses

What are stolen kisses in the night worth?
Are they worth the toll of the stars and the moon?
Of course.
Are they worth the song of a baby owl, mesmerized by the stillness of the night?
How sweet they taste,
As our dreams take flight.
I'll always cherish,
Stolen kisses in the night.

Here we go again

Here
But invisible.
Trying to be helpful,
But "annoying"
Trying to chat about honestly,
Anything.
But you answer briefly and scroll.
Here we go again.

Words

Words,
What do they mean?
They could say one thing,
But mean so much more...
Or even less.

Words,
How we hang onto them,
As they dangle by a string.
We live by them, hope by them,
Swear by them nonetheless

Hanging on to a moment

The distant sound of birds chirping,
The rustle of tree leaves whisper to me.
The sun hangs high in the sky,
And a warm breeze tickles my face.
I pause, and instantly release any tension I hold.
This moment, will not pass me by.

Ray of Sunshine

I wonder,
If sometimes,
You don't even realize you're a ray of sunshine,
In somebody's world.

Alchemist

I am an Alchemist,
You are an Alchemist...
Don't let the world fool you with its disillusion.
Many simply fear the power within.

You have the power to create, to make, to change, to birth
Whatever you wish.

Take that pain, and turn it into strength.
Take that disappointment and mold it into clarity.
Take that self-doubt and slowly shape it into your beautiful, shining, self-worth.

And babe... if you do one thing with your alchemy...
Turn this fucking chaos into a revolution.

Thoughts for now

Indefinite uncertainty is beautifully chaotic

Berries and a Dream

You walk into my kitchen and I start frantically picking things up and putting them where they belong. 

You open the fridge and pull out a carton of berries and start placing them in your mouth. 

You continue to browse the shelves of my relatively empty fridge. 

"You must be starving," I say, not sure of what I can offer you other than some green beans and vegetarian sausage 

"Yeah, I am pretty hungry," you take exactly those two items out.

I reach for a pan out of the dishwasher, and place it on the stove. 

As I reach for the green beans, 

You grab my wrist gently and turn me towards you. You give me this look as if i need to slow down and drop into the moment. 

I inhale, pause, exhale smile.

Your eyes are comforting and inviting. 

You gently touch my lips and slowly turn back to the carton of berries. 

You feed me one. 

It is the perfect balance of sweetness and tart. 

You then feed me a gentle kiss, as you pull me in by my hips. 

The moment our lips touch, I wake.

Surrounded by four white walls, so familiar, yet haunting.

Bloom Again

There is something magical about when it rains in the desert.
The air feels cool,
The ground opens up,
And every living being rejoices.

Moods lighten,
And the moisture in the air feels like gentle kisses on your skin.
The kind that give you goosebumps.

As the rain falls,
I can't help but feel pulled outside.
Face turned skyward,
Eyes closed,
Letting the desert rain wash away all of my pain, insecurities, and doubt.

I feel this spark arising in my soul,
Ignited by each raindrop that falls on my face.

I have the urge to dance barefoot,
Splashing in the unexpecting puddles, alongside the wild cacti.

I hear the grackles and doves sing their praises in unison,
I see the hummingbirds pause for a moment to bathe in the natural formed baths.

All that is the desert aligns, and is calm.

When this time space reality is quenched,
It feels as if all will bloom again.

Swallowed Tears

"You look rough..." she said,
As I sat on the bed,
Over sized shirt,
The ink on my chest peeking through.

I guess I've just been handling my shit,
I knew in that moment she was seeing everything I was feeling...
And for the first time in months I felt seen.

"You just look like you've been through war..."

"Well, I have kind of been at war in my head for a while now..." I paused, and felt as if we were going to actually talk... get deep, ya know?

"I've just been having this nightmare about my mom... and I feel like each day that passes is a day closer to the day I get that call... and..." I paused again.

She was scrolling...
It was silent.

"Sorry, I know it's stupid." I took a step back into my shell.

"It's not stupid..." her eyes never leaving her phone.
The moment fled.
I swallowed my tears.

How free?

How free does your imagination flow?
Does it flow like water, unchained and magical?

Mind Pleasure

I feel passion swirling, rising, and manifesting physically in my body...
In my mind, my soul...
I find myself closing my eyes and letting the pleasure was over me...
In and out of me...
The mind is a lovely place

Let Go

Emptiness,
Numb.
Emotionless... how incredibly immature to even feel this way?
I have grown so much... thrived so much, yet find myself back, or on my way back, to a place I've left long ago...
A place of drowning ...
A place of shimmers of hope...
I simply want to let go.

Drift

I'm so damn tired...and not in the literal sense

I feel like I could sleep forever,
Like I could simply close my eyes, drift to a dream land, and never come back.

Currently

All I want to do is cry...
And scream...
Because I cannot fix you,
I cannot mend you...
I just want to take all your pain away...
I want to strip you of all hurt, and stress...
I feel sick to my stomach...
I fight back these tears the best I can,
For you.

But I cannot live like this forever,
Which is what scares me the most...
Because I truly don't know what will be coming next.

Sand

Oh to feel...
Is feeling numb a feeling at all?
Or just a mask, to cover the eternal question of existence?
Are we so connected with the stars and the moon, that we feel each eb and flow of their pull and position? Of course we are. We are made of stardust,  and sculpted by the experience of lifetimes.
So this numb feeling, it will pass darling.
It is just a wave crashing on the shore of this moment... and you, for this moment, are the sand.

But what am I really here for?

Always expected of,
Never asked of,
Always assumed that,
Never appreciated

At Ease

Laying in my bed,
A bit of anxiety fills my chest,
At the thought of my self destructing mess, of a life.
But is it self destruction if you grow from it, learn from it, and flourish?

Or is it simply growing?

I'm alone tonight,
And thoughts race through my head.
All the words she's said...
And which ones she meant?
Or which ones I've kept...

It hurts my head, to think like that...
And to think of loneliness
And emptiness...

I just want to feel, and not hold back.
I want to be who I am ... truly.
To my full, uninhibited potential.

But my chest caves in deeper at the thought of letting go...
Being free.

Can I love, but let go, to grow?
Can I? Can we?
I just want to feel at ease...

Stardust and Champagne

And God sipped champagne,
As she looked down on us saying:
"And this is why I gave you free will."

She smirked as we kissed,
And laughed as we danced under the stars.
Unbeknownst to us,
We were made of stardust and champagne supernovas.