Dangerous Travel

Her eyes grew heavy,
Strained and tired.
A feeling she was far too familiar with.
It was early morning, but sleep was needed.
Her glance couldn't stop...
She was mesmerized by simple words,
Where separate would mean nothing,
But put together delicately, would mean the world.

She pulled the blanket up to her chin.
The cold air around her, made the hairs on her neck stand on point.
Nothing felt colder than her soul,
But in her soul, she found a flame.

She was already sick...
Her mind was dim, and her depression was an illness in itself.
But there was one illness she was sure to have, but if that didn't claim her,
She knew a tragedy would.

Curled in a ball
Somewhat resemblant of a half moon,
She begged the universe to hold her.

Her heartbeat was strong,
Her breathing was steady.
She would fall into a pattern of mindset,
Much like a movie.

She would travel in this moment.
To where?
She didn't know,
And that in itself was dangerous.

What would she say?

She didn't know where to begin.
Would lifetimes truly separate them until a new life was born?
Would it really not be in this lifetime that she found peace in what true love really was?
Sure she was reckless...
Sure she was a gypsy soul, never to be truly tied down...
But was her life just some sick movie of unrequited love?

Much to her dismay,
A fiction, all too close to reality, danced across the page in front of her.
Could this really be how it ends?

Chills encompassed her skin,
As she thought of all the scenerios that could play out.

She was young, but how short is life?
She was indecisive, but why?
What was she scared of?
What was she holding back from?
She asked these questions... But she truly knew.
Her notion of love was ripped away from her,
Thanks Dad.
She didn't truly believe in real, pure, unjudgemental love.
She just went through the motions,
Of what love is supposed to be.

First you're happy,
Then you grow to resent.
After all,
That's the course of love right?

She would be there,
The night of/the day after a number that slowly gets smaller.
Simply hoping that the bread crumbs led her down the right path.

Their unspoken rule of love.
Their undeniable lack of Justice.
How would she even be able to speak?
No answer was right,
No words could truly apologize for the agony and pain caused in the crossfire.
What would she say?
Would she have to say anything at all?

She is Insomnia

She sets in again,
My lifelong, alluring friend.
I toss and turn.

She wakes me in the night,
Or early, before the new sun rises.
She keeps me to herself,
In this purgatory hell.

I wish to close my eyes,
But open they remain.
My soul is restless,
Mind is racing...

I'm over her sick games.

Lesson in Honoring Myself

Days have passed and I find myself as two very different people.

One is a person who gives her all to another, asks for nothing in return, and as a consequence becomes resentful.

The other is a woman, blossoming and growing spiritually and mentally. She is loving of all that surrounds her, but most importantly has learned to honor herself.

It is a balancing act,
One of practice and concentration.
I know the healthier of the two.

I refuse to lose her,
Refuse to get so lost in another that I lose myself.
It has become routine, but recognized,
And now boundaries will be set.

Will it be easy?
Of course not...
But the best things in life are worth fighting for.

I close my eyes,
Set my intentions,
To honor myself.
To love myself.

Moment

One day of pure bliss,
One day of sinful adventures,
Three days of anxiety.

I wonder if I am stuck in my head,
Or if drifting is reality.
All is beautiful,
All grows,
But does all fade?

I meditate,
Room filling with incense smoke,
Mind cluttered,
But trying to clear.

I notice my breathing is shallow,
My heart is racing,
And my mind won't stop.

I focus,
Trying to declutter,
Trying to slow down,
Trying to be at peace.

Opposites

I rise with love,
She rises with angst

I rise with good intentions,
She rises with self-centered focus.

I rise with peace,
She rises distraught.

How can one wake with negativity,
When the day has just been born?

See you soon.

As my eyes closed,
The moon was huge.
Her glow was gorgeous and inviting.

As I slept she watched me in my sleep.
Whispering sweet nothings.

As I Rose,
She greeted me with her love,
And as I watched her become smaller
And further
Away...

She said
"I'll see you soon"

May

Before I know it I will be laying under a blanket of stars,
I will be kissed by the moon,
I will be held by the Earth
And welcomed by the universe.

May ,May bring clarity.

Lesson in Delusion

I stare at the stars and think,
"What a beautiful picture that has been painted for me"
I am happy in this moment,
But the moment quickly dissipates.

Our worldly happiness is based on delusion.
We are often chasing materialistic means of happiness,
And when gained,
We experience a jolt of momentary joy...
Pleasure.
Before we know it, we have fallen back into our baseline measure of happiness.

If the world was more mindful,
True happiness would thrive.
Beauty in all things would radiate,
Delusion, would dissolve.

There is a certain importance in acknowledging that delusion is a reality.
One that as a society we have become so keen on.
So comfortable with.

To awaken,
We must break free from our delusional and illogical mindset.
We must open the eyes to our souls.
We must embrace the fact that all which surrounds us is a façade.

Lesson in Curiosity

To be curious, is to remain young.
I recently read about a beginner mind versus an expert mind.
The beginner mind is curious, thus never bored.
The expert mind is stuck in routine, and often found bored.

There is one cure for boredom and that is curiosty, however there is no cure for curiosity.

When one is curious, she remains intrigued by the beauty in all that surrounds her.
She falls in love with the simple things,
And never takes for granted the smallest gesture or feeling.

I pray to remain always curious,
As the world is a place of beautiful things, beautiful people, and beautiful intentions.

Spring Sunrise

Waken by a whisper of the universe,
I gaze out my window and watch the beautiful sunirse.
Being so high above the earth allows me to appreciate the inexplicable.

I know the sun rises here,
As the stars still light up the sky in a foreign land.

This sunrise makes me want to star gaze,
Under the warmth of a blanket,
On a cool summer night.

I close my eyes.
Soon enough.
Spring bears Summer.

I will.

Eyes heavy,
Soul tired, but fulfilled.
I close my eyes,
And open my heart,
My mind,
My soul.
Leaving a gate open to my alternate reality,
Something so real, yet intangible.

I close my eyes ...
Looking forward to the conversations I will have with the Moon,
Her beauty,
As we bask in the night.

As the moments will pass us,
We will beg for it not to end,
But it will...
For we are only allotted one moment
In the near future,
As a glimpse
Into the inevitable one

We will get tangled in love,
Tainted with lust,
And lost in the here and now.
I will...
Even if just for one night.

Lesson in Love

Surrounded by the inevitable,
Yesterday was a day filled with Love.
Pure, blissful, mindless, Love.

I was reminded not once, not twice, but Six times that 'Love is Patient'
'Love is kind'

Each time, my heart sang,
A smile swept over my face.
Despite the clouds in the sky, and the dark hue of the remainder of Winter,
I knew Spring was here.

I will journey to a land familiar,
But distant.
I will sit down and listen.
I can't promise sanity,
But I can promise Love.

I am love.
I will always love.
Peace is love.

It is now the early hours of the morning,
My body covered ever so gently under numerous blankets.
I lay on my stomach,
Focusing on my breath.

I connect.
To the you, to the universe,
To myself.

I am here now,
And I am in love with all that surrounds me.
I will be patient, I will be kind.

Now I close my eyes for one last hour,
Soak in this moment,
Energize and thrive off of what is to come.

Lesson of Silence

After a long night, and an early morning
I reclined my car's driver seat back.
I had ten minutes to shut my eyes and enjoy the
Silence.

My body was tired, but I was doing what I love.
As I closed my eyes, the light of day graced my face,
Although cloudy, still not terribly dark.
Serenity took over my being.

I could hear the silence,
Understand the silence in a way I had not yet.
If you listen closely enough to silence, you can hear its many tones.
Its simple, yet beautiful song.

I felt still.
I felt comforted by the sound of empty air.
A smile snuck onto my lips.
This moment was peace.
This moment was joy.
This moment was love.
I felt whole.

Ten minutes felt like a lifetime.
I learned so much on my journey of Silence.
She is kind, she is warm and she is loving.
She does not judge, and she cares.

My lesson of Stillness was retaught,
As the silence swept over me.
I was happy.
I am happy.

Brief Prelude

Tonight I kiss the stars,
And thank the Universe for another day.
Lessons learned today,
The continued Patience,
A lesson of Listening,
And a lesson of Laughter.

Now I close my eyes,
Embrace what is to come,
Bring me to my alternate realm,
And let me see once more.

Lesson in Intuition

On point.
Two words that can describe my intuition lately.
Dreams, visions, and feelings all have been surfacing,
With no fault, no doubt, and undeniable results.

I have always been intuitive,
Sometimes I just based it on luck,
But lately my eyes have been open to the light that has been shed on my abilities.
I am blessed with a gift, that too many take for granted.

I will use my gift to help others,
To better understand myself,
and to better serve those around me.

As my busy day comes to a close,
I close my eyes,
Focus on my breathing,
And pray to the universe for another dream,
As my dreams have been vivid,
I've been revisiting my past,
While peeking into my future.

My life is whole today.
Tomorrow is a new day,
A new Lesson.

I will welcome her with open arms,
and keep my heart, soul, and mind open.

Lesson in Forgiveness

Two nights ago I dreamt deeply,
Of a "has been" friend,
Somebody that I had a beautiful bond with.
I think of her time to time,
I desire her friendship,
Her advice,
Her understanding,
Her love.

I was selfish,
As I seem to be faulted by,
And allowed myself to fall in love with her past.
I tried to explain,
To open her eyes,
But she distanced herself,
So far, but always "just a call away"

...until now.


It has been four years,
I've longed for her forgiveness and have not received it,
Despite her throwing out our friendship,
Despite her saying wicked things about my love,
I have forgiven her,
For her hatred, her ill will, and grudge against me.

Like her,
I search for understanding,
But I forgive those who do me wrong,
Like her,
I breathe in and hold my breath for a lighter day,
But I open my eyes...
I just wish she would see,
Life is too short,
Too precious,
To not be free,
Of hate,
Of distrust,
Of bitter taste.

New Day

We all suffer sometimes.
Today is a new day.
I embrace it.
I love.
I am loved.

Lesson in Anger

Stealing the light away from me,
I question why I stay.
I wonder if I am being used- more times than not now-a-days.
Nearly four years ago I was on cloud nine.
I had never felt so loved, so wonderful, so attended to...
I had found somebody so honest with me,
That accepted me for my flaws-
But now...
Now I question.
Is this a nightmare?
Is it my diagnosed depression?
One would say it's the chemical imbalance.
One might claim, I am delirious...
But now I am in darkness.

I see a light,
It's in my soul.
I fear the unknown- my fault.
I learn a lesson on containing, recognizing, acknowledging and dealing with Anger.
One of my hardest lessons, to date.
Thoughts that are buried away in the depths of my dark soul,
Tucked away in a corner,
Are coming to life.

Death doesn't seem so bad.
Anger- Just breathe through it.

Trying

It has been a trying few days,
But I am trying to stay sane.

I lay on my back, palms facing up, skin pressing against a hard floor with a thin mat in between.
A strong energy comes to me,
Takes my hand,
Hold on tight,
Begging me to come play in Wonderland for all of eternity.

I exhale,
I smile,
I know that time is molded by our intentions,
Molded by our love, our souls, and our desires

I end my day with a prayer
"Om Shanti Shanti Shanti, Om Peace Peace Peace"
I bow my head so that my mind and heart are closer to one another.

As my night comes to a close,
I open my mind,
Open my heart,
Open my soul-
To a realm I've traveled, but am still curious about,
To a realm where alternate realities become innate in our being.
I welcome the universe with whispers of joy.

I am still trying.

Lesson of Patience

I pull away,
A premonition comes true,
My tire light goes on, I pull into a large empty lot.
A hissing sound is loud from the passenger side of my car.
I ran over a nail, my tire is quickly deflating, and I am broke.
The past three days have been trying,
A friend distancing herself because of a "lover's" wishes,
A family member or two avoiding my calls,
Or so it seems,
The person I am in love with acting as if I am calling at an inconvenient time,
And a nearly stranger trying to claim part of my future relating to a passion of mine, coaching.

Nothing has seemed to go right this week.
A while ago I would've been angry.
Angry at myself, angry with the universe, screaming to the skies asking what I've done to deserve this,
But today...
Today is different.
Today I hear a voice whisper "This is a lesson"
The universe is trying to give me a lesson on patience.

I smile through the frustration, realizing that it could be worse.
Maybe I ran over a nail and got a flat tire so that I would miss a potential accident,
Maybe my calls were ignored to teach me how to handle discouraging moments on my own.
Maybe my friend has been distant so I can learn to appreciate peace, solitude, and have time to self reflect.
Maybe my love has been selfish so that I reflect on my own selfish tendencies.

Tomorrow I will rise early,
It has been a while,
I will head to the shop to get a new tire, then head straight to a local school, where I will substitute and feed my passion.
I will read in a park,
Spill my guts to another,
And teach once more at night,
Finally capping my day with mediation and yoga.

Knowing this is a lesson of patience is a step in the right direction,
Awakening the flame in my soul.
Learning to understand and be calm.
I will persist.
I will learn from all of this.

Seasons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A6TcsK80JA

Longer than normal.

Around 5:30pm
It sets in.
The worst, of the worst anxiety.
Something is wrong.
My heart races,
My body tingles,
Limbs go numb.
It must be linked,
To another.
I breathe,
Coming down
Is taking longer
Than normal.

Lesson of Stillness

For hours now I've thought of taking a blanket,
Laying under the newly born Spring night sky.
There is something comforting about Nature's embrace.
Silence fills my soul and my mind-
It is dangerous, yet inviting.

I am independent, but find myself needing something more.
This urge makes me feel 'needy' and I rebuke it.

My chest builds with anxiety as the hours pass through the night.
I find peace in the daylight, under the sun...
Under the largest flame we know of in our universe.

I feel as if my life is momentarily paused when I should be exceling.
My being craves a new lesson,
My soul searches for the lesson in being still.
Being still is something I've always struggled with.
I am a free spirit, floating with the waves of the ocean,
With the current of the wind.

Being still, my mind races more than ever.
And I wish it would slow down.
Like it does,
When I'm dancing,
Barefoot,
In the sunshine.

Hear Me.

Sitting on my beige carpet,
Legs crossed, breathing steady.
I smile.
I smile with intention, love, understanding and peace.
Two Buddha faces, eyes closed, a soft smile, are facing me.
An Egyptian Goddess spreads her wings, looking off into the distance.

The ebb and flow of my apartment in this very moment is serene.
A warm, yet cool, Spring breeze dances through my window and penetrates my clothes.
My eyes slide across words, Words I will forever hold dear to my heart.

I light incense- a flame catches and I watch the yellow, the red, and the blue tango.
Something so simple, yet so powerful.
A flame, a fire, a burning desire.

Having never understood until now,
What a connection meant.
Clarity strikes, and I am joyous.

The sun is calling my name from the outside,
Nature is begging me to come play, and I will.
A few responsibilities must be complete, but then I will be barefoot in the gas,
Singing to the Gods,
I will be embraced by the universe and her remarkable warmth.

I will dance in your name,
I will sing towards your realm,
Will you hear me?
I bet you will hear me.

Spiritual and Matrix Twins

This read made me feel beyond enlightened. Everything seems to make sense now. I figured I'd share it :

http://www.twinflamesigns.com/twin-flame-relationships-2/twin-flame-awakening-spiritual-twin-and-matrix-twin

Rediscover

Part Of Me

You are the breath in my lungs,
The passion in my soul,
The voice of reason in my head,
When I seem to lose control.

You are the goosebumps on my skin,
As the dawn of Spring sets in.
You are are the dreams of what's to come,
You are my smile, when time's rough.

We have become a part of each other,
A part of the Whole.
We are one with the universe,
Entagled are our souls.

So as I take steps,
To start my busy day.
I honor you, as part of me.
And pray that you will stay.

Six.

She wakes with a pounding in her skull.
Six hours over the course of three days is all it took.
Her jaw still tight, from subconsciously locking it in her sleep.
The sunlight peers through her window and she decides to cancel the first half of her day.
Typical some might say.
Words clutter her mind, she hears colors and feels time.

Time.

Six hours become a lifetime,
Six years become a moment, a blink of an eye.

She was told of the future,
Slightly altered by particular scenarios,
But a future at that.

Words were explored in depth,
Meanings came to light,
Reality began to set in.

This blonde haired girl, with emerald green eyes needed to Live.
She needed to live for the moment, the day, the week, the year.
All of this time she had just been going through the motions,
While she was stuck "living" in a dream of "what could have been"

She arches her neck and back in a deep stretch,
Feeling every inch of her naked body.
She holds her breath and counts to Six.
A new number,
She exhales.

Today she will walk.
Walk in the sunshine,
Walk with a purpose,
Walk while searching for a meaning!

She will find it in Herself,
She was her own worst enemy,
But eager to become her new best friend.
She must love herself in order to love others.
Her love for others has been a facade in the night,
For she never truly loved herself.

She will start with Six steps,
Six breaths,
Six positive thoughts a day.

Today she lets her life begin.
She begins to live for herself,
No one else.